Good Idea for PA, or bad?

[rose22]

Hi all, I am new to the forum. My story is in the newbie section :) I was wondering about something that may be a tad bit controversial. My husband is a PA. When we were trying to solve this/work it out in counseling, one of his solutions was for me to make our own P (pics/vids of me). Since it is of me, and not other people, I felt like this was okay. I wonder though if it is giving him the wrong impression? It seems harmless, but is it? I would LOVE answers from PA's and So's.

Thanks!

[DudeWaffle]

Two thoughts:
1. Your husband needs to find a new counselor to help him (and you) deal with this problem. Unfortunately, the one you have now doesn't have a clue how to deal with porn addiction.

2. Bad idea on the homemade P. That is like giving an alcoholic permission to drink his own homebrew beer.

[waterlily327]

My BF asked something similar of me around the time this was coming out, and let me tell you it is not a good idea. At first I didn't see the harm in it either but I am so glad I stuck to my gut and never bought into the idea. To a PA, those women on the screen are not real, almost less than human, and are objectified. To put yourself on the same "playing field" is not acceptable. It is degrading, and objectifies you. If your H wants to see you like that, it should be in private, intimate moments. Do not let yourself become the new object of your H's addiction because then he will see you as his "fix", not his caring, loving wife. Plus, once those pictures and videos are created, you run the risk of your H not being the only one to see them. As a fellow SO, I feel strongly that this is not a good idea, but this is just my opinion. I hope you find it helpful!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

rose-

Ditto what those above said. You are not P. He does not "need" P. This is wrong on so many levels. Do you want to be to him what P is to him? Someone with no wants, needs or desires? Just some THING for him to get off to? If the therapist thinks this is a good idea, seek a new one. Go back and re-read DudeWaffle's reply.

[rose22]

Thanks for the response, I am so sorry I didn't respond sooner. I agree with what you have all said. I am getting so much pressure from my friends to let this go. They say it is not a reason to leave him. But the lying and behavior is continuing. I think we are beyond pictures at this point anyhow.

[RichBlack]

I agree with all of the responses above. That is plain wrong. And I am sorry that your relationship might end. But you can't do that to yourself. Think about what that is doing: it is voyeurism. In an effort to be polite with my word choice: You are changing the point of view, from first person to third. You become an object, and come to think of it, so does he. You become something he can use whenever he wants. You are no longer a person with needs and wants. A person deserving of love and compassion. Don't even think about it. You deserve to be treated like a person, a woman, a partner and wife. You deserve love, compassion, kindness and most of all, respect.

Best wishes

Rich

[burnedout]

Just agreeing with everyone else here, Rose. Sorry your friends won't back you up on this. I think respect is key.
John

[Cupcakemomma]

I know, I'm late to the party as usual, but this is a BAD BAD BAD idea. NOTHING feels worse than "searching" and finding a single picture of yourself lumped in with thousands of skinny latex bimbos.... BLERG