Is Watching Internet P Cheating by Dr. Phil McGraw

[Disillusioned]

Internet p is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:

It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.

Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.

P isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.

Viewing Internet p or engaging in cybers-x is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.

You need to tell your partner that viewing p is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the p or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:

Would you do it with your partner standing right there?

Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.

Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?

Does it intrude on your relationship?

Which is more important: p or your relationship?

[autumn88]

I think that saying that watching porn is cheating is an incredibly silly statement. A picture is just that, a picture. It is not emotional. It is not physical. It is a biological reaction to be turned on by the naked body, and if you choose to watch a little porn it does not mean you think that the women in the porn are hotter or better than anyone in real life in any way.

Watching porn is a bit like watching a movie. It is not real. It is not meant to be real. It is a form of escapism, that helps us feel different emotions. It is only bad if you can't tell your SO that you are watching it, or if you do not feel comfortable watching it with them. Because then you are lying and hiding something from your SO, and that, in my opinion, would be the real problem.



And I would also say that letting yourself get sexually frustrated would lead to cheating long before watching porn would.

[HopefulsRock]

Autumn... I'm failing to see why you're here at TTF? I thought your SO was upset with your addiction to P and you were trying to sort out the whole rut you say it has put you in? Even you said that P is a form of escapism... what are you escaping from?

Viewing P to avoid cheating on your partner is like being on a diet and sneaking some sweets on the side to avoid cheating with a full fledged banana split! ...it's still cheating!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I think that saying that watching porn is cheating is an incredibly silly statement. A picture is just that, a picture. It is not emotional. It is not physical. It is a biological reaction to be turned on by the naked body, and if you choose to watch a little porn it does not mean you think that the women in the porn are hotter or better than anyone in real life in any way.

Watching porn is a bit like watching a movie. It is not real. It is not meant to be real. It is a form of escapism, that helps us feel different emotions. It is only bad if you can't tell your SO that you are watching it, or if you do not feel comfortable watching it with them. Because then you are lying and hiding something from your SO, and that, in my opinion, would be the real problem.



And I would also say that letting yourself get sexually frustrated would lead to cheating long before watching porn would.

I am a bit confused here autumn88. To be honest, are you sure TTF is the right place for you to be?
ALL of us are here, because of the impact that that P has on our lives. we see that we now, have NO place for this crap, in our lives. because of this addiction, we almost lost everything/everyone, that we love, and it just destroyed, the security that we should have in our own home. You will not find ANYONE here, that is going to agree with you, and your way of thinking, when it comes to this addiction.

Our purpose here at TTF, is to help the many, who struggle with this PROBLEM in there life, and have come to see, just how damaging it is to there relationship. No one here at all, will even try to justify why it is ok to use this sick addiction anymore. To me, it seems, that you are hoping to hear, that it is ok, for you to continue to view P, and that your Partner should be ok with you doing this. If this is the answer, that you are wanting to hear, then, I will tell you right now, TTF, is not a place for you.

But if you are an addict, who truly does want to be free from this addiction, and has come to see, that there is no more room for it to be in your life, then you are at the RIGHT place, and we will help you the best we can.

We will be able to help you even more, if we knew the main reason why you are here. I say this because, you say that ,P should be ok to look at, but yet, in your profile, it says that you are a Partner of a PA. So if you are a partner of an addict, then why is it, ok for you to view P??
Weather is is here, or from other source, I do hope that you find the help/answers, that you are looking for

I also pasted this, to your New member post

[JenMac]

I think that saying that watching porn is cheating is an incredibly silly statement. A picture is just that, a picture. It is not emotional. It is not physical. It is a biological reaction to be turned on by the naked body, and if you choose to watch a little porn it does not mean you think that the women in the porn are hotter or better than anyone in real life in any way.

Watching porn is a bit like watching a movie. It is not real. It is not meant to be real. It is a form of escapism, that helps us feel different emotions. It is only bad if you can't tell your SO that you are watching it, or if you do not feel comfortable watching it with them. Because then you are lying and hiding something from your SO, and that, in my opinion, would be the real problem.



And I would also say that letting yourself get sexually frustrated would lead to cheating long before watching porn would.

Autumn,
If your intent is to get people's attention, then you have certainly achieved that.
I must say that I find your thoughts here a little naive and troubling. You are on a site that assists people with healing from their own, or their partner's P addiction. The statements you are making at the very least show a lack of understanding and quite possibly could be perceived as condescending to others here who take this very seriously.
I am a woman who is very confident and proud of myself in life. I am not jealous nor do I suffer from self esteem issues. Having said that, when you have found yourself in the position that we SOs have found ourselves in, the damage that can do to your relationship is overwhelming and shattering. Most of us here do very much consider this to be a betrayal of the marriage vows. Seeking something outside of your marriage to fulfill a s*xual need is cheating your partner out of what is meant to be theirs and theirs alone.

Jenn

[Hopeful59]

Autumn,

Sorry, but I have to disagree with everyone of your statements. Apparently you are in denial about porn in general, never mind about the horrors of the porn industry. Watching porn IS cheating. It does involve an emotional and physical relationship that damages real relationships. You really need to review some of the studies about this kind of addiction. Most of the participants on this board who have dealt with a S/O with porn addiction can tell you the kind of damage it does. Porn is very addictive and consequently destructive as all addictions are.

As for your last statement - if a S/O is involved in a relationship and feels "sexually frustrated" then there are some other issues to be dealt with. Porn is NOT the answer to any kind of unhappiness any more than meth or alcohol is.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

I am glad to see that Dr. Phil is addressing this. Not that Dr. Phil is an authority or anything, I am am just glad to see someone talking about it on primetime TV. It should start some comversations, and more conversations can only be good!

[maggie]

WONLM... So agree... Dr Phil... whether you agree with his psychological advice or not, he is bringing this problem/sickness/technological trend into the forefront... so it can be discussed by the people experiencing its affects.

[maggie]

Autumn 88

I agree with you that porn is not real... It is a " picture " It is " not physical or emotional ". I agree with you. It is all fake or false. True.

You also state that " Watching porn is a form of escapism " Yes. That is true too. A person who chooses to escape real time interactions and isolates himself to act out to p, is escaping... not in a physical way with another live human being that knows him or cares about him, but with himself, all alone, and with a ' pretend ' image that " turns him on "... on arouses him by posed, faked, buffed, fluffed camera shots.

Do you really not see any harm in this activity ? Is it comparable to an annual exotic cruise with family or friends, or training for a marathon... or working toward an advanced professional degree. The time and energy devoted to a fake, physically arousing activity that destroys relationships and families ?

[autumn88]

Autumn... I'm failing to see why you're here at TTF? I thought your SO was upset with your addiction to P and you were trying to sort out the whole rut you say it has put you in? Even you said that P is a form of escapism... what are you escaping from?

Viewing P to avoid cheating on your partner is like being on a diet and sneaking some sweets on the side to avoid cheating with a full fledged banana split! ...it's still cheating!

I am the SO here. I am worried about my boyfriend's addictive behavior that is damaging our relationship. Key word: addiction.

When porn is not an addiction I do not feel that it is a horrible thing. My boyfriend knows that I am okay with porn and that I sometimes watch it myself. I am trying to get him to get rid of the guilt he was taught to associate masturbation and porn with when he was younger. He's from a very religious background, although he's not religious at all, and I think it has scared him away from being okay with his sexuality as a whole.

I understand that this website may not be what I'm looking for. I thought this was a website for people dealing with an addiction to porn; I did not think it was simply a place for people to bash all forms of erotica. Because in my mind that is a completely different issue.

I am a bit confused here autumn88. To be honest, are you sure TTF is the right place for you to be?
ALL of us are here, because of the impact that that P has on our lives. we see that we now, have NO place for this crap, in our lives. because of this addiction, we almost lost everything/everyone, that we love, and it just destroyed, the security that we should have in our own home. You will not find ANYONE here, that is going to agree with you, and your way of thinking, when it comes to this addiction.

Our purpose here at TTF, is to help the many, who struggle with this PROBLEM in there life, and have come to see, just how damaging it is to there relationship. No one here at all, will even try to justify why it is ok to use this sick addiction anymore. To me, it seems, that you are hoping to hear, that it is ok, for you to continue to view P, and that your Partner should be ok with you doing this. If this is the answer, that you are wanting to hear, then, I will tell you right now, TTF, is not a place for you.

I think if I describe the situation in a different perspective you might understand what I was trying to say more accurately. A few of my very close family members have problems with alcohol. Their addictions to alcohol have caused huge amounts of frustration, pain and hurt among the people who they know. They are addicts. Their unhealthy relationship with alcohol is something that negatively impacts multiple areas in their lives. Yet, I still choose to drink alcohol in moderation, because in moderation having a drink or two with friends is a healthy, perfectly normal thing to do.

We will be able to help you even more, if we knew the main reason why you are here. I say this because, you say that ,P should be ok to look at, but yet, in your profile, it says that you are a Partner of a PA. So if you are a partner of an addict, then why is it, ok for you to view P??

I'm currently in the process of helping my partner become more open about talking to me about the porn he watches. I want him to know that I don't think less of him for watching it and that he can feel open about sharing his feelings about porn with me. I think anyone should feel comfortable talking about porn and watching it with their So's because as long as it hasn't become a compulsive habit - nor is leading to neglect in the relationship I don't see any problem with it. As I've said before - I have a problem with the ADDICTION - not the porn.

Sorry, but I have to disagree with everyone of your statements. Apparently you are in denial about porn in general, never mind about the horrors of the porn industry. Watching porn IS cheating. It does involve an emotional and physical relationship that damages real relationships. You really need to review some of the studies about this kind of addiction. Most of the participants on this board who have dealt with a S/O with porn addiction can tell you the kind of damage it does. Porn is very addictive and consequently destructive as all addictions are.

I've taken numerous classes in human sexuality and sexual health - so I think it is a little naive to say that I need to do my research on the issues at hand. All I can say is to watch the video I've attached below, I found it on this site, and it confirms every thing I have to say about porn. These are actual experts speaking.



Pay attention from :25 - 2:11 ("If you use it as a 2nd choice [to sex] it is absolutly fine" - Clinical Psychologist Belisa Vranich)