Reverse the role....would you stay?

[edjames71]

I was looking in the Partner Forums and saw Rosie posted a question to the SO there.

If you were the PA/SA and acted out and 'relapsed' in recovery, do you think your husband/partner/other would leave you, or do you think they would do as you do and support them through this addiction?

So guys...what do you think? If your SO was the one with the addiction and you are in their position; would you stay and support them or leave?

I'll post my answer on a seperate posting.

[edjames71]

Ok, here is my answer to the question. First let me take the role of my SO for a bit. I'm at my breaking point. I've been lied to more times than I can remember, my trust, love, marriage and dignity have been disrespected for most of my marriage. I have told you I can't picture us getting back together. I have no energy for us. We have seperated. So....do I stay or do I go? That depends....I do still care for you but can't trust you. Here is what I would need to see in order to stay.

1. Is it real this time? This is the number 1 thing for me. Over and over I've been told "I will stop or I will get help." All those promises have ended in disppointment for me. I can't trust this time is any different. For me to know this time was different and real would be seeing the PA/SA actually in therapy or a program or both. I would have to say a good time frame for me would be 4 to 6 months of commited work on the addiction....not for me...but for themselves.

2. Time apart + joint therapy: Ok, it's been 6 months and I'm thinking about maybe working on us....but don't think your going to come back home just yet. We need to see a therapist and work a lot of things out before the thought of coming back is even an option.

3. Living together + joint therapy: So...I've let you back....we still need to work things out in a neutral enviroment....yep...more therapy.

4. Relapse: This is a deal breaker. There can be NO relapse. This may sound harsh but I've been hurt way to many times. A relapse is not an option so you better work your but off so it doesn't happen. If a relapse happens....I'm gone.

So...for me if number 1 happens and I can see they are really committed to changing themselves and beating this addiction....then yes I would stay.

There are so many other factors that play into all of this but there is my answer. If my PA/SA spouse is finally doing something to beat the addiction and is dedicated to it. I'd give it one last chance....but don't screw it up....because this is it.

So there you have it....If I was the SO to a PA/SA spouse. So....let hear it guys....what would you do?