Alcohol Relationship

[stillandagain]

Two questions for discussion:

1.
How much is alcohol involved in this issue, especially for the couples out there?

Before "recovery"?

During the time of initial "recovery" and following stages?

Does your communication change when altered by alcohol, be it relaxed, more loose-tongued, or "meanly" compromised, depressed or slowed? etc?

A recent post of a dialogue between a couple here made me start to think about us when we drink, and the issue in general.

Just wondering . . .

2.
What about the combination of alcohol and PA? Anyone willing to talk about that connection?

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

I my case, there is no alcohol involvement. My husband is a VERY occasional drinker. He went on a lot while at work, and he certainly wasn't drinking at work.

[rosie]

LOL it must have been me! I hardly ever drink nowadays, a few wines occasionally and virtually never get 'drunk' like the other night, that was awful. HR NEVER drinks, but he has an addictive personality so he has been addicted to various things during the course of our relationship, including computer games, cigarettes, caffeine (energy drinks) etc. I also need to add here that HR has a massive issue with alcoholism due to his own childhood, so it is something he is very against doing.

I don't think alcohol is a part of PA but I think someone with an addictive personality is likely to have other addictive behaviour.

Both of my brother in laws are (closet) PA's - that is, their wives 'put up with it', and both have what I consider a drinking problem. The problem with drinking is that it is socially acceptable to drink to excess, so nobody would really say they have a drinking problem. They both drink every single day and at least 4 drinks +, to me, that is excessive, but to them it is normal - and I would dare say that to most of society that is normal, at least in Australia - drinking to excess is considered normal.

[maggie]

Stilland Again,

Thank you for starting this discussion. I want to hear what others have to say about the connection, if there is one.

I had been calling drinking just another ' rationalization ' or excuse from my H because he claims that having his 2 or 3 glasses of wine at night made it easier for him to act out.

I didn't believe him because most of his problem occured in the daytime between 7 am and 3 pm when he was home alone in his private office and not at night when he was drinking.

In addition to blaming his evening wine ( me too! ), he committed to stop drinking after d day- Sept 09.

I didn't ask him to, since I didn't think see wine as the cause.

He has begun having a glass of wine a few times a week lately and although I am not opposed to it, I drink wine too, I do see it as another example of his not being able to stick with a commitment he has made and another example of addictive behavior.

Maggie

[chasman62]

For me absolutely no connection whatsoever. I like a drink but I have not changed my level of consumption since entering recovery. Drinking had no impact on whether I chose to act out or not, perhaps only in the likelihood that I would caught in the act as it were.

I think there is always a risk that one quits one addictive/compulsive activity and just moves on to another (and certainly alcohol is a possibility) but that hasn't happened in my case.

[Hibiscus]

No connection between drinking and P for my husband either. In fact he rarely drinks at home, where much of his P use took place. During one particularly bad P "binge" of about a year, he was accessing it at work and was definitely not drinking at the time.

Like others have mentioned, I do think many people have addictive/compulsive personalities and can move from one addiction to the next. In fact, it makes me a little nervous since my husband has been P free for 6 months and also gave up smoking a couple of months before that. That is HUGE for him! But I have to admit, there is some concern on my part that something will need to take the place of those 2 addictions...something positive!

But for my husband, drinking alcohol not only didn't lead to or give him an excuse to act out, but generally makes him sleepy - lol.