A Naive Question: Where IS Everyone?

[stillandagain]

I have been here almost two months.

The last couple of days I have been digging in to past posts.

So many stories, so many people.

Where did they go?

Success stories?

My new therapist says he "knows" when people have "fallen back." They come 4-6 times then start cancelling, to never return.

Is that what happens here?

Any thoughts?

[2frustrated]

I was wondering the same thing. Although I am very happy about the PA's that TTF does help, I've been thinking about how we as a community could raise our member retention. Every day new people join the site, only to disappear days or weeks later. I can only assume that most of them have relapsed, as recovery for nearly everyone requires longterm commitment.

My guess is that very few of the early dropouts are success stories. Perhaps we should inform new members of the dropout rate, so they can be challenged not to fall into that category. At the very least, our welcoming messages to them should encourage them to stay committed to recovery no matter what happens.

[mforward]

I also think we need to form some sort of meeting schedule, and provide something we could schedule into our week to look forward to. If there isn't a system and some planning involved, it's very easy to begin in a thrill of excitement (breaking free from porn) and posting massively, then to realize it's a long hard road, and then stop posting all together.

What do you think? :)

[Crisodian]

These are some great suggestions. I encourage you to continue to share more as we continue to build and grow TTF. Encouraging people to stay has always been a challenge. I look forward to more suggestions!

Peace,
~C~

[rosie]

I think it's just one of those things... you will have high turnover because lets face it, facing addiction is damn hard - particularly anything sex-related. I too wonder about people who have disappeared....I miss them. Thinking about Deb and CCM and KOH today... all not around much anymore :(

[maggie]

Good question... where did they go?

I think we all fear that they may have just given up, thinking it was useless or they were just too weak.

Is there anything as intimidating as posting on a world wide site... for all to see.... that you are addicted to pornography? It must be so humiliating for these men to make that first step in recovery.

It takes such courage. It requires an active introspection of one's life and beliefs. It really is a giant step forward to write that first post.

I hope some of them...as discouraged as they may be... come back and listen to the support and advice from real people who understand how they are feeling.

[mell]

If anybody is willing; maybe we could schedule a weekly chat session? If we had 5 - 6 volunteers per time zone we should be able to cover it. Anybody who replies to a new member message could mention it.

Or, we could take mentor volunteers. Maybe give new members a list? Just a couple thoughts. I would be willing to help out with either of these, or anything else that may come up.

[Dominus]

If I am not around it is/was usually because I have slipped up. I find it very easy to post on this site how succesful I have been, but to say that I havent been succesful is not so easy. More recently however I have not been around because it was becoming so obvious that I wasnt able to defeat my addiction that I have asked my wife to take the router with her every time she goes out - even if I argue that I need it. This has raised some questions with my children but needs must. So if I am not online its not always because I have failed but that I have no interent access except when the family are all milling around and then I don't usually have time to come online. We maybe ridding the internet from our house completely in which case I will be a rare visitor indeed.

I would like TTF to be a bit more directional, at present it seems that its a sounding board for thoughts and feelings - which is great, but not enough in itself for every addict.

[Rockinastorm]

Dominus,
I am sorry to hear that it has been so difficult to post during hard times. I hope that this new system helps and that you can still be Here on TTF as much as you need to.


Mell,
Ill be there for a meeting time. I am running on EST and could do 9PM-12AM any day

[Rockinastorm]

I'll have been here just one month tomorrow, but it seems that creating and maintaining relationships here is a valuable part of this experiance. I dont know how to encourage that without forcing it...