14 types of denial

[stillandagain]

Someone referred to this post (from 6/10) today.
I thought it might be helpful cut and paste it, so we newbies don't need to dig for it.
I found it very enlightening and helpful.


Checklist: 14 types of denial

1. Global Thinking
This is attempting to justify something with absolute terms like “always” or “never” or “whatsoever”. It also can be something along the lines of “every guy does this”.

2. Rationalization
This is justifying unacceptable behavior saying things like “I don’t have a problem, I’m just sexually liberated”, or “You’re crazy”, or “I can go months without this, so I don’t have a problem”. Rationalization is telling yourself Rational Lies.

3. Minimizing
This is trying to make behavior or consequences seem smaller or less important than they are saying things like “only a little”, or “only once in a while”, or “it’s no big deal”, or simply telling the story in a better light than it really should be.

4. Comparison
This is shifting focus to someone else to justify behaviors such as “I’m not as bad as…”.

5. Uniqueness
This is thinking you are different or special saying things like “My situation is different” or “I was hurt more” or “That’s fine for you, but I’m too busy”. This one can also be considered Entitlement.

6. Distraction (Avoiding by creating an uproar or distraction)
This is being a clown and getting everyone laughing, having angry outbursts meant to frighten or intimidate others, threats and posturing, and doing shocking behavior that may even be sexual. This can be when we simply blow up upon being confronted hoping that our explosion will draw attention rather than the actual issue.

7. Avoiding by Omission
This is trying to change the subject, ignore the subject, or manipulate the conversation to avoid talking about something. It is also leaving out important bits of information like the fact that the lover is underage, or the person is a close friend of your spouse, or revealing enough information while keeping back the most “dangerous” information that will get you in more trouble.

8. Blaming
This is when you shift blame and responsibility from yourself to another person, and many times this is done unconsciously since in the depth of our being we really don’t want to be held responsible for something. I call this the Adam Syndrome as this is what Adam did in the Garden (Genesis 3) by wrongly blaming Eve for his rebellion. This includes, “Well, you would cruise all night, too, if you had my job”, or “If my spouse weren’t so cold…” or “I can’t help it, the baby cries day and night and makes me nervous”.

9. Intellectualizing
This is avoiding feelings and responsibility by thinking or by asking why. This person tries to explain everything getting lost in detail, rabbit trails, and/or storytelling. This often includes pretending superior intellect and using intelligence as a weapon.

10. Victim Mentality (Hopelessness/Helplessness)
This is where a person says, “I’m a victim”, or “I can’t help it”, or “There is nothing I can do to get better” or “I’m the worst”.

11. Manipulative behavior
This usually involves some distortion of reality including the use of power, lies, secrets, or guilt to exploit others.

12. Compartmentalizing
This is something that almost every addict does. This is separating your life into compartments in which you do things that you keep separate from other parts of your life. This is like a Jekyll and Hyde or a separation of Public and Private life to the point where it is unhealthy driven by thoughts of “If they only knew, then…”.

13. Crazymaking
This occurs when we are confronted by others who DO have a correct perception… we simply tell them that they are totally wrong. We act indignantly toward them attempting to make them feel crazy by simply positing that they cannot trust their own perceptions.

14. Seduction
This is the use of charm, humor, good looks, or helpfulness to gain sexual access and cover up insincerity.

[Crisodian]

Bumping this up.

~C~

[TooSensitive]

Bumping this up for Mary, one of our newbie partners. Welcome to TTF land, Mary! So sorry you are here, but so glad you found us.

[Disillusioned]

This needs bumped up again. Thanks. I believe it should be a sticky.