A Parents nightmare

[FoolishMind]

As a parent myself, we all have a zillion things that we can worry about, but specific to the topic of this forum, it is a huge worry of course how the relaxation of sex and provocative situations are available to all the younger generation through film, TV, big screen and of course our dearly beloved internet.

What really struck a chord with me the other day was realising how many computer games are available where some of your missions are to actually engage with a prostitute or get points for going to a strip club. What is society doing to us and our children?

I appreciate there are rating certificates to these things, but like renting a movie are these things really actually policed.

So my question is really, how is a parent supposed to go against what the rest of media is telling children?

Disney films are telling kids of young ages to look good and get a boyfriend, Music videos are showing kids its better to dress "sexy", computer games are telling kids its cool to go to a strip club.

Schools in UK are wanting to give sex education to children from 7. WHY????

Anyone wanna setup a new country and bring back innocence again!
smsh-pc

FM


What on earth is this world becoming

[blindside]

Excellent post FM. Growing up my parents did not allow us to have cable because they were both too busy to make sure my siblings and I did not watch something which we should not. But the fact is in our times parenting is becoming harder because there are so many more places from where negative influence can wrap it's tentacles around a young impressionable mind.

I think the only way to get around this is to explain to children from an early age what the consequences are of certain behavior. Despite the fact that it seems harsh we have to make the distinction clear in their head that despite being socially accepted some behavior (whether it relates to sex, drugs or the treatment of women in the media, etc) are just not right.

I mean as adults the members of this board are doing exactly that aren't they? We are all coming to the realization that a habit that is essentially accepted as something "guys do" is really a horrendously poisonous thing that seeks to destroy our lives. I go through this every time I see a smut mag at a newspaper stand. My brain just cannot process why we are allowing this to go on. So since we cannot change the world in our children lifetime we need to change their world view early on.

[chasman62]

FM:

I don't know how old your kids are but I have two who are at the point of 'emerging' as adults (one is 21 and the other 16). My view is that the biggest challenge is to get parents to accept the task of actually parenting again, and that doing so requires being a counsellor, teacher, at times the police etc but most definitely not a 'friend'. There are way too many kids today who have been either overprotected (and thus lack the tools necessary to make their own way in the world), or have been effectively given the message that 'everything is OK' and by inference that there are never any negative consequences to making poor choices.

I am always reluctant to make judgements on societal influences because every generation since time immemorial believes that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket in the time since they were a teenager/ young adult...my parents and my grandparents thought the same and yet here we still are.

The bottom line is that YOU should be the biggest influence on your children. YOU are their primary role models and the ones that they look up to. If getting myself out of the mess I was in has taught me anything it is that fundamental truth. That one of the best reasons to improve my own behavior and interactions with others is because that will be my main legacy when I am gone. We have always lived in a far from perfect society and we do now, but the basic values of truth, honesty, respect for yourself and for others remain.

Ok. I am getting down off the soapbox now.

Chas

[Crisodian]

FM,
As a parent of 2 boys, I feel your frustration.

I'm not sure there is a simple answer. Parenting and teaching play a roll but society's influnce can be huge. I'm seeing it now myself, in my own children.

We can't shelter our kids from everything because then they really would be ill equipt to handle what the world will toss their way. Acting as a roll model is important but how many kids (teens & tweens) want to aspire to be just like Mom or just like Dad any more? Most teens and tweens I know will do things intentionally to go AGAINST Mom & Dad.

We can teach and guide and help them make the right decisions and right choices by giving them the tools to do so, but when everywhere you look, everywhere you go, in everything you do, the message is 180 degrees the opposite?

No simple answer, IMO. No simple answer.

Peace,
~C~

[BelieveInHope]

Good post FoolishMind,
I agree whole-heartedly. How do we shield our children from a toxic culture but also educate them about the lies and falsehoods so when they are exposed to it, they can make choices based on truth, maturity, and wisdom?

We screen everything our son watches. We are careful with what we bring into our home, from magazines to TV to the internet. However, he sees the magazine racks at every store we go to. He sees the huge Nivea ad I just saw recently in Walgreens with a half-naked woman wrapped in the arms of an equally undressed man--WTH happened to family-friendly stores?


Chasman, I have to disagree with you.
"We have always lived in a far from perfect society and we do now, but the basic values of truth, honesty, respect for yourself and for others remain."

I don't think our culture pushes these values at all. In generations past, the general culture was very values based. Even too far so, where unwed mothers and teens exploring their bodies were deeply shamed, and s3x wasn't talked about at all. In 50 years we have swung in the opposite direction in the extreme. Never before has P become mainstream. Never before has there been an internet that streams hc vids of every possible fetish at the click of a button. The average age of exposure is 11. Children are being raised on images of humiliation, degradation, and abuse of women as what s3x is supposed to be. Even 'whitebread' P is devoid of affection, emotion, love, respect, or consideration for either partner. Rosie just posted an excellent article on the SOs side on some of the affects of mainstream P on this generation.

I could go on but we all know the world we live in. The world we live in is all about me, me, me. It is all about pleasure, what feels good, it's all about selfish desires, owning the newest toys, having the biggest car, pursuing beauty and perfection at all costs. This culture sexualizes teen girls without batting an eye and with no conscience or responsibility (Britney Spears ten years ago, Miley Syrus a couple years ago, and all the Disney teeny boppers I haven't kept up with). Girls 7 years old are wearing short shorts and padded push-up bras. Middle school children are engaging in s3x because that's what they watch on tv, listen to on their ipods, and read about in their magazines.

And parents are so caught up in their own selfish pursuits, they are forgetting to parent. And for those of us who DO want to parent, our jobs are so much harder because the toxic culture is all around us, invading our social spaces, our stores, our schools, our homes.

My H and I talk about this all the time. It is terrifying. Anyone know of any remote countries or deserted islands we could move to???? No, seriously. Other than Muslim countries, are there any places not infiltrated by this poison (i know even they have been too--I mean where it is not 'accepted' and has not overrun the culture)?

[astander]

I'm very worried about what kind of things my 2 sons will be exposed to, and how to handle it. I think alot of people homeschool their children for this very reason, because it's impossible to shield them from it. it's at school and on the internet, their iphones and friends and texting and facebook and everywhere.

Just a generation ago, children got to have their innocence up until a certain age. Now, kids know way too much about sex and it seems overwhelming to parents. I am going to have to get really smart about all of it in the next 7-8 years or so!!

[Beanhead]

I'm a parent of two kids - a boy age 12 (soon to be 13!) and a girl age 10.

I've already had several talks with my son regarding s*x and P; although I've struggled my own addiction for most of my life, I don't want him to start going down that path. So, while I certainly messed up in my own personal life, I'm doing the best I can to have open dialogues with him, giving him the space to ask questions and not be ashamed to be asking. Our talks have been very healthy and good.

My daughter, on the other hand, is a tougher one for me to know how to handle. I feel that some of these issues should be best left for her mother to talk with her (she's my ex). However, I don't want to leave things unsaid; I especially don't like my ex's perspectives on a several of these issues, so I feel like I need to step up and have conversations with her as well.

Anyway, I have struggled with these issues as well and I can identify with many of the posts on this thread.

[rosie]

Well, for one... PORN Is blocked in my home. Entirely. My kids get 1 hour per day online through covenant eyes and THATS IT.

I put my foot down recently - I was sick of them spending all day online - interestingly they have both( the older two) have taken back to surfing every day - healthy, clean, fun, NOT PORN!

My eldest son has a GF (14). He speaks to her over text - and today they are going on a date to the movies. Many boys his age are getting their experiences from porn, but I am safe in the knowledge that he is out there wanting to connect with friends and others.

I think the computer culture is half of the problem. When we were kids, we were outside playing.. we were NEVER Inside on the computer left unsupervised. I didnt even have a computer until I left home.

Today, kids are consumed by TV and computers and movies, and advertising. I think its more about what to get them INTO instead of what to try to prevent. I keep my kids busy. They play a lot of sport, their homework is a huge priority and most days they are outside playing and busy.

All of this idol sitting around on facebook all day is absolute rubbish. My sisters kids stay up each night until 2 or 3am online. They are 14 and 16 and their computers are in their bedrooms. Recipe for disaster if you ask me...

My son did google some sort of naked images when he was 13. He found a porn site. After that happened, I talked to him about the dangers. Then I told him that it was NOT allowed in my home, and so it isnt. As parents, our kids are with us MOST of the time, so we have a lot of influence, i think saying that the media have the hold on them is a copout. I continue to tell my kids about opression/how to treat women properly and pull them up on sexist issues all the time - "You run like a girl" is unacceptable in our house - it starts here. I believe it starts by not letting your kids sterotype women from when they are children. I see so often how "girl" and "women" are seen as lesser - this coming from mouths of 5, 6, 7 year olds. This is where it starts.