Cheater?

[Mrs Black]

So, in a discussion (quite innocently with my sister-in-law), she starting talking about P and mens use of it. A VERY uncomfortable discussion, (but she was a good friend even before she married my step-brother) so i felt that if I stopped her or changed direction, she'd sense my embarrassment and start probing further - so i let her go on...

Anyway - she told me that in her opinion men and women in relationships who use P are cheaters - they are cheating on their SO. I froze to be honest - I had tried to avoid letting that thought enter my head independently, as there is so much there already....I know you know what I'm talking about... Anyway a really awful conversation ensued where i tried to be non-committal and move the subject on without arousing her suspiscion. I kind of worked, but i think i was a bit abrupt.

Anyway - I can't believe that this subject hasn't come up on here before and I wondered if any of you senior members could point me in the direction of any threads that might be useful to me on this subject....If there aren't any threads on this subject I would like to gage opinion and insight.

Is use of P a form of cheating? Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more my heart sinks =((.

Angel blessings.

[Zachary]

Mrs. Black, I am a recovering PA. I know you have not been on this site long, and would perhaps to hear from an SO rather than me, but I believe there is an article on the site that relates to what you are talking about. I would provide a link, if that's alright.

The online support community for pornography addiction

I hope that worked (I've never tried to post a link before), I hope the article helps you and I hope I haven't offended you by responding to your post. I wish you only the best in dealing with this.

[Crisodian]

Mrs,
Actually it has. :)

You can find some great discussion on the topic here:
Why does P equate to infidelity, or does it?

Especially this post:
Why does P equate to infidelity, or does it?

Find peace,
~C~

[stillandagain]

I consider it infidelity, "cheating"

it certainly FEELS that way to me

[Crisodian]

I consider it infidelity, "cheating"

it certainly FEELS that way to me

The concept of "it's only P" doesn't really fly when there is an SO involved in the mix. It's cheating.

And there are so many more reasons...

Peace,
~C~

[rosie]

Yes, it is cheating in my opinion.

But why does it matter? Cheating is just a word.

I have been cheated on in the 'proper sense' of the word, by my ex, and I have been cheated on in my husband using porn, going to strip clubs, private shows, etc, and they feel exactly the same to me.

Out of all of the things my husband has done, the worst was getting close with a co-worker who he had feelings for. I would have felt less pain if he slept with someone, than feeling that. To me, its all bad and unacceptable behaviour, though...with little difference in feelings between all of them.

In fact, in ways, the "non cheating" that people ascribe to P use, etc actually makes P and the likes feel WORSE because of the lack of support you get from people.

[Mrs Black]

Yes....this all confirms pretty much what I feel in my heart. I know that my H doesn't see that he has been 'cheating' - but as you say - that's how it feels to me....

I, too have been cheated on with my ex having actual physical and emotional relations with other women. The hurt is as deep, but somehow different to me. I guess I feel that with P my H doesn't actually have a real connection emotionally and spiritually with another woman - that doesnt make it ok but leaves me between a rock and a hard place...

Anyway - it's good to know that I am normal (whatever that is!!!) in relation to the SO's on here - again, that gives me hope that i can get through this.....

Thanks for all of your responses.

Angel blessings.