Advice, anything...

[helpmeplz]

I'm so tempted to get back to P and MB right now, though I've been sober for abt 40 days now, it's been much easier but now it's getting so hard, last time I was home alone I fought urges and it was like a tug of war, but then I started MB and I stopped before anything happened, but I still feel so guilty as I went 41 days without even thinking about it, now I know I'm still sober but I'm feeling guilty about thinking about relapsing, it should not even be an option, this feeling is keeping me up at night, I'm sleepless, please help me !

[Beanhead]

I'm so tempted to get back to P and MB right now, though I've been sober for abt 40 days now, it's been much easier but now it's getting so hard, last time I was home alone I fought urges and it was like a tug of war, but then I started MB and I stopped before anything happened, but I still feel so guilty as I went 41 days without even thinking about it, now I know I'm still sober but I'm feeling guilty about thinking about relapsing, it should not even be an option, this feeling is keeping me up at night, I'm sleepless, please help me !

Is it possible to get out, take a walk? Go for a bike ride? Call a friend? Go to work? Go watch a movie at a cinema? Go visit family?

I've been free for 31 days and I haven't felt that kind of urge; however, I know there were times in the past when I had that urge and I know it is very difficult to fight.

You can do it!!

[blindside]

I had the same problem very recently when I hit 30 days. I've been reading Phil's journal to get some idea on how he managed to handle the sudden unexpected return of cravings. I'd advise you to do the same. No matter how much encouragement people post in reply to your question I think the best way is to try to learn directly from their experiences by reading other people's journals. Hope this helps. Don't stress out man. You're fighting the good fight.

[EliasHeart]

Hello HelpMePlz,

Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece HelpMePlz. What you’re experiencing occurs with all of us PAs who go through recovery– withdrawal after a prolonged sobriety. I remember a year ago when I was going through exactly what you mentioned, and it was tough!
There’s no easy, quick solution to recovery. It’s similar to when we first start running after being physically inactive after a long period of time. In the beginning we’re huffing and puffing, wheezing with every step! But trust me – as a fellow recovering addict, recovery becomes easier and actually more exciting with time :). You’ll further learn things about yourself that you’ve never thought possible.
As you read through the forums, you’ll see all the wonderful techniques PAs are using to stay sober. At the current moment, I suggest three strategies to shift your mind and actions away from P:


(1) One day at a time principle
(2) Limit and/or manage Internet access, especially when alone
(3) Replace your PA habits with other passions/hobbies.

#1
Day 1….day 2…..day 3…..day 4…….one day at a time.

There’s a good way to count sobriety days and there’s a not-so-good way to count sobriety days. The not-so-good way is to say, “I’ve been sober for 60 days now. This is the most ever! I better not screw this up or else there’s really no hope for me!”.
Always count one day at a time. Recovery is a life-long process and journey. Due to the nature of PA, we’ve come to realize that the more sobriety days we have under our belt do not actually mean we’re better off than a beginner. We’ve come to learn that a PA is susceptible at any time in his life so needs to always be alert and on guard – at day 1 and at day 1000. One should therefore use sobriety day counts in order to be thankful, in order to congratulate yourself for working on yourself, and to keep going because you’re doing such a great job.

That way if you do slip up, don’t say to yourself “I’m so angry that I went 60 days free of P and still acted out”. Rather, say to yourself, “I’m so happy that this time I went a whole 60 days without P! I’m really proud of myself and know I’m progressing. Today I’ll continue my progression and my journey.”


#2
Internet management has been central in helping me through recovery!

There are some Internet filters such as K9 which block P from Internet searches. It helps to create a complex password and then make the password inaccessible. As well, make sure that when you do get on the computer, have an objective in mind rather than “just surfin”. It’s easy to let the mind and mouse wander when you’re bored and in front of the computer. Maybe also try to limit the Internet activities to certain times of the day such as “no Internet past 10pm” or “no Internet when I’m alone”. That helped me also get a good night’s sleep (finally).

#3
Ok, so no Internet…..now what?

I have a list, which I keep beside my computer which reminds me of all the things I’m passionate about but I never have enough time to do (or so I think). For example, if I’m on the computer and feel like I’m not really doing anything, I’ll look at the list and see, “read a chapter of such-and-such book” “practice my soccer kick”, or “call such-and-such” etc. All of a sudden, I remind myself of all the wonderful things I have planned and I start feeling less bored (and thus less susceptible to P).


HelpMePlz, I’m sending you heartfelt congratulations for being on the path to recovery and trying ever so hard to achieve sobriety. May this journey take to you places you never imagined.


Best wishes,
Elias ~o)

[HopeandDespair]

Elias, thank you for your insight. . . I'm very early in this recovery process, and your post is much appreciated and helpful. I hope you continue to share you experience on these forums!

[RichBlack]

Helpmeplz, I echo everything that has already been said. I also add one more thing. Do you have a partner? If so, think about her. Think about being with her. Think about how she feels, what she thinks. Think about what this recovery means to her. Think about how much she loves you, how much you love her. And last but not least. Think about YOU. You have made it 41 days, brother!!! \m/ Don't quit now!!! I MEAN IT!!! DON'T DO IT!!! You can keep going! Ok, I think you get the point!!! Keep going!

Rich

[tntang]

u got the beast in a bag i say keep him there do something else when the urge arrises call a family member u havent talked to in awhile go for a walk go check the oil in the car anything but letting the thoughts continual the long they continual the harder it is to fight them your going to have tribbile feelings afterwards of letting yourself and others down be striong and continual your recovery

[exteberria]

I know for me personally, to slip up would be devastating for myself and also raise deep questions for myself about what I am doing in life and where I am heading. The damage p does is terrible, no one can underestimate it. Think to yourself that you have composure.