Question for the guys

[StollenHeart]

I have another question/advice for the guys if thats okay?

Is it possible to be addicted to JUST internet p for years and go no further than that? Or am I being naive?

My H says that all it has ever been and says he can quit on his own just like he did smoking. :-s I am feeling extremly discouraged with his lack of getting help, when I approached him last night to talk about it he actually got mad and thinks I am over reacting and said I should just let it go.
WOW-my jaw is still hanging down to the floor in shock!


Thanks
SH

[HopefulsRock]

Well Stolen Heart I'd say no your not being naive but also trust your intuition because I've learned from my wife Hopeful how powerful and accurate that can be. I was hooked on MB and then found P to be getting more prevalent with the internet making it so easy to attain but it never went anywhere beyond that... I never involved another person, just images and video online.

I will say that he is the naive one to think he can quit on his own though just because I tried for years but to no avail. It was my wife (Hopeful) that discovered my addiction and then became my biggest supporter in my recovery. I have done it without professional help so I will say that it can be done with your help and of course this bunch here at TTF is just priceless... like a thousand counselors to choose from!

I wish you strength in your journey!

[Phil413]

I have another question/advice for the guys if thats okay?

Is it possible to be addicted to JUST internet p for years and go no further than that? Or am I being naive?

Yes, that's possible. In my own case it never went any farther than that.

My H says that all it has ever been and says he can quit on his own just like he did smoking. :-s

Anyone who thinks he can "just quit" should try it for a month. It's not as easy as it sounds.

I am feeling extremly discouraged with his lack of getting help, when I approached him last night to talk about it he actually got mad and thinks I am over reacting and said I should just let it go.
WOW-my jaw is still hanging down to the floor in shock!

That's pretty much how I felt about my wife's reaction. I thought, geez, I was just looking at some pictures, it's not like I was having an affair.

What helped me realize how wrong I was was reading the SO's journals here. Their reactions were just like my wife's, and as they explained their feelings, I gradually came to understand why they felt the way they did. Eventually, I realized that they -- and my wife -- were right, and they weren't over-reacting.

Phil

[Daniel]

Is it possible to be addicted to JUST internet p for years and go no further than that? Or am I being naive?

The "going no further" is a lack of what's referred to as "escalation" in addiction. Addiction or non-addiction, it is a well-known phenomenon in drug and alcohol addictions, you start with beer, then wine, then more powerful stuff, etc., etc.

I like Phil and Hopefuls Rock never escalated beyond online pictures and then later online video.

It is possible to not move beyond a certain level in this habit.

But it is also possible of course to move beyond, even way beyond into other habits (that sound crazy when described so I won't), even into illegal activities and worse.

There isn't something like a Natural Law that dictates everyone will escalate, but it is possible that people could escalate.

Daniel

PS: And I agree with Phil's observation about being able to "just quit". It's like saying, "I'm not addicted, I just want it really bad." When you want it really bad, you can't just quit.

[chasman62]

SH

Firstly dont be afraid to ask questions. That is one of the great strengths of TTF I think and there are plenty of people willing to answer.

As far as your questions are concerned I agree with Daniel. There is no rule regarding what will happen with compulsive activities like online p viewing. The only truth is that generally the more you do the more you want to do and so the time and energy that you spend on your compulsion increases, but it may not necessarily change in its nature. It certainly did for me, because I lost interest in just passive p, and I became obsessed with webcams and online virtual sex and when I reached bottom I was planning to actually meet one of the women that I had had a 'virtual' affair with. I think this is pretty common actually but many guys are unwilling to admit to it because it seems (and prob is) much worse.

As far as quitting on your own, sure you can, lots do but quitting with no obvious accountability is just not going to happen. It sounds like he is just telling you that he quit and expects you to believe him. I am sure it happens lots of times but not with people who have a serious issue with a particular behavior. He should expect to demonstrate his resolve by working with you on a plan to stop, not just the trust me I quit answer.

Chas

[Mac]

Hi! SH

Well all 3 guys that have answered you have confirmed that they never went any farther than Internet P. I too fit in that same category as well. I don't mean to say in any way that internet P wasn't bad enough, just that, that is where it ended. I will say though that I read guys on this site everyday that have gone on to a lot of other stuff that started with just Internet. I have always bought into the idea that this is a progressive desease and so many PA's here can attest to that, but it's obvious it's not that way for everyone. So i have to agree that it is possible to go no farther.
I did see a councillor for a short period of time, but my healing and learning came mainly from this site and a huge amount of support from my wife Jenmac. We are both members here and I feel that was a huge thing to have this site to share.
Your H's response to your questions is a classic PA response. If he could come here ( I'm assuming he hasn't joined) he could read journals from the PA's here and he would probably be able to see a lot of himself in others. Hopefully he will see his way here.

Mac

[Mac]

Sorry I didn't see that my buddy Chas posted during the time i was doing my post. I should have said the first 3 guys that posted confirmed that their use was restricted Internet P only.

Mac

[StollenHeart]

Thank you so much everyone! I am in tears with joy that there is hope! I hope one day my H will come to TTF as well and share.
Thanks again

SH

[HopefulsRock]

StolenHeart, In the beginning for me I was very reluctant to want to speak about it even with my wife so to come on here and share was a great fear but then the one thing I learned here at TTF that made me feel better was the fact that I'm not alone in this problem... let him know he's not alone and will remain anonymous.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Thank you so much everyone! I am in tears with joy that there is hope! I hope one day my H will come to TTF as well and share.
Thanks again

SH

I also do hope that one day he will be here. but until HE sees that he does have a problem, he wont come. But there is still a lot of hope that he will.
A lot of us addicts, never realize we have a problem, until we hit the bottom in this addiction, and then we see that it is time to get some help.
He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but he is just not ready to face the true facts that he is addicted. Even though I knew it was wrong, and I knew I was stealing precious time from my SO, I continued in this life of filth.
In time , he will seek help for himself, because , he will come to see that he just can not continue to live this life that he is living.

I pray that he sees this soon, and the two of you can start working towards a better life with each other