Danger zone

[blindside]

I want to get the opinions of the members of this board who have committed themselves to abstaining from both P and Mb for a period of time. When was/is your weakest moment in terms of days without P or Mb. I am on day 26 and urges that had all but disappeared are resurfacing with some force.

I've read around this site and get the feeling that 3-4 weeks (for whatever reason) is a common time for people to relapse. I want to be prepared. Do you guys agree that there is a change in thoughts/urges around this time period of abstinence? I really want to stay ahead of the game if I can.

--blindiside

[iwilldothis]

There has been definitely some difficulties around the time period for me. I think there is two reasons:

1) The emotions which made me want to quit seem distant. I know on an intellectual level why I want to quit, but I no longer feel them.

2) The urges are strong because the brain has recovered to some extent so that looking at porn has regained some of its novelty.

This is challenging period. I have had to resist thoughts such as "Really there is no harm in it. As long as you don't go over board, then it is fine to look." or "Just relapse one more time and then quit again." blah blah.

So have a plan.

[jimmy78]

This is my exact issue. I'm good for 3-4 weeks and then SLAP - the rush hits me like a ton of bricks and there is no stopping. I think that iwilldothis nails it. The depression/ funk (in my case anyway) usually goes away around this time, as I feel that "I've been good; I have earned a little "me" time". And, for sure... if time goes by without any access to P, etc, the novelty of it all works again (and in my case, the simplest thing can trigger it - TV, magazines, etc). It doesn't take much at that point.

Unfortunately, I have the same questions you do, but I just wanted to share my side.

J

[EscapeSeeker]

I think the dangers are being home alone, and being naked at your computer. If you can just get out of the house and get your mind on other things, it will help.

[Beanhead]

I read this thread with fascination and with trepidation.

I am at just over four weeks of no P or MB. I have not had any urges - none at all. However, reading this thread makes me wonder if/when the urges will hit. No wonder my wife is so freaked out these days.

I have a good plan for those moments when the urges might hit; I've shared it with my wife and I am committed. I mean I am COMMITTED!

But....reading this thread does two things to me. One, it makes me feel some trepidation about what these "new" urges might be like. I know that with God's help, my wife's support and my own committment, I can withstand them. But I haven't ever felt these before, whenever they do hit.

The other thing does is it strengthens my resolve to not give in. I don't want to "slip", relapse or whatever else it may be called. I just want to stay strong - for myself, my wife and my "new" life.

[Phil413]

I read this thread with fascination and with trepidation.

I am at just over four weeks of no P or MB. I have not had any urges - none at all. However, reading this thread makes me wonder if/when the urges will hit. No wonder my wife is so freaked out these days.

I have a good plan for those moments when the urges might hit; I've shared it with my wife and I am committed. I mean I am COMMITTED!

I felt the same way when I started out, four months ago, as you can see in my journal. I got through the first couple of weeks with no major urges, and I kept waiting and wondering when they'd come crashing down on me.

They never did. Oh, I've had a few urges from time to time, but nothing major.

Looking back, I think it was because I took so many precautions to make sure I couldn't fall even if I wanted to. Doing that made it hard for a temptation to gain any traction, because I know I couldn't go anywhere with it anyway.

So, if you want, take a look at my journal and you can see what's worked for me so far.

Bottom line: I don't think an avalanche of overwhelming temptations is inevitable. They may simply never come.

Phil

[blindside]

I guess that this is as good a place as any to openly declare that I managed to not stay P and Mb free after exactly 4 weeks. 28 days. My previous record was 17 days.

Every fiber of my being is repulsed with its own existence right now. It happened out of severe loneliness. The depression came in like a wave and I found a way around every blockade I had set up for myself.

I don't know what God's plan is for me. All I know is that I will die trying, so that I can never be told I failed. It's all I have.

--blindisde.

[rosie]

My husband relapses about every 4 weeks =((

Because, he can only avoid himself for 4 weeks at a time. 3 weeks if he is extra busy at work. 2 weeks if we argue.

It isnt some magical number - p is used to deal with negative emotions and stress...if you aren't dealing with the negative emotions and stress, you would be manifesting your addictive behaviour somewhere else in your life - addiction transference.

[blindside]

Thanks Rosie. What you say is true. This incident makes me realize that there are issues beyond just stress that trigger my P and Mb addiction.

It's a different ball game altogether to deal with issues. Some are out of your control but they still hurt so much. I'm still learning...

[Beanhead]

@Rosie - I feel that what you describe has been true for me most of my life. At least, as long as I can remember using P. It was all about "feeling better" because I felt so bad.

I've truly realized that I need to have much better coping mechanisms for my troubles. In other words, for me to stay away from P/Mb, I need to deal with the heart of the problem. And this is what my therapist is for, as well as any 12 step group I can find (both were very hard to find and I've only had one meeting with my therapist).

@Phil - thanks so much for your post. It was encouraging to me. I took up your invitation and did read your journal, starting from around day 20 till day 60. I'm glad to know that we don't HAVE to relapse, that if we stick to our plan and stay deeply committed, we can indeed have victory over P.