Beanhead

[stillandagain]

Its weird to know you are there.

I want to trust
I want to work together
I don't want to be angry
I don't want to feel hurt

I want to understand
and be understood

I am trying too

[Beanhead]

Its weird to know you are there.

I want to trust
I want to work together
I don't want to be angry
I don't want to feel hurt

I want to understand
and be understood

I am trying too

Me too.

I feel so much shame and embarrasment for our need to be on this website, for ME to be on this website; it constantly overwhelms me. Yet, I would feel even more shame and self-loathing if I allowed my addiction to destroy who I am (that God created), who we are together (that God created) and who we want to be for the rest of our lives.

My emotions are so chaotic and deep that I am unable to voice them - to you or in writing. And so I lapse into pained silence.

How do I journey through this? I don't know.

Its not as simple as "just share."

I don't have the words to express the depth of my emotions.

But please don't give up on me, please don't misunderstand my silence as giving up or hiding.

[stillandagain]

its hard for me, too, to be here
so many parallel stories and feelings
give me hope - and take it away

i also know your reflex doesn't allow you to share
but I do hope and pray that it allows you to be honest, at least with yourself

i can only take so much of this setting at one time
it makes me sick
and so very sad, for you, for me, for us

maybe THIS is a different palce where we can talk

I don't know