Coming to terms with me

[Amo]

Okay, what my husband liked to look at and my experiece with P are to different things, do I have to confess. Maybe I shouldn't. But here it goes, I checked the mail. I got the keys, my parents gave them to me, when I was a kid, and I walked to the mail box, and it was sitting there, catalogs. Full of stuff and images I didn't understand. I was a girl, and I looked. And I looked every time, those catalogs with toys and women and men.

My own grandmother gave me my first romance novel at 14. And even my husband laughs, because I skip over the bad parts. But the images of it stay in my head of what I saw.

My husband asked me to be what he wanted, I said no. I thought he wanted what I saw, and I couldn't be that. I didn't want those toys. P affected my perspective on every person and how I talked. I thought everybody had secret lives, and I was okay with it. My parents had one. And my husband had P.

People might read this thinking she's f'ed up. She should have never opened those catalogs, curiousity was my issue, and I looked. I was never the same again.

[Zachary]

I don't think you're f'ed up. We live in what is, by and large, a P-culture. P has crept its' way into advertising, fashion, restaurants... you name it, it's tainted. Which is not to say it's EVERYWHERE, but we have to be aware. You didn't know what you were looking at as a child, but you knew it was wrong. You learned sooner than some people. But, just because some people have a secret life, doesn't mean it's right. I had one. Every PA here had one. I can honestly say now I'd never want to be a part of anything I couldn't share with my SO. She's all I need, just as she is.

I hope this helps somehow. Stay true to yourself, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

[Amo]

I've been reading a lot lately, and I don't think I'm a PA. But, I have some of the same perspectives as a PA. I was trying to articulate it. And just thank you, I have to be true to me. But how do you get help if you can't be honest with others or yourself on how it affected you?