Alternatives for Vegging Out

[jimp]

As I have a stressful job and two small kids, I need some time for my mind to rest and do some sort of mindless activity at night. Something less taxing than reading or journaling.

One of the patterns that I have I identified with my therapist is that surfing the web is generally what I like to do as opposed to watching TV. It's calming, semi-mindless and I can always find something I like.

Unfortunately, this has previously led me to looking at pornography (or other fantasy images), or other "Middle Circle" websites which (for me) are not addictive in and of themselves, yet lead into other compulsive Inner Circle acting out.

She suggested I might get a Nook, Kindle or iPad, or even some hand held electronic games for relaxation time. Ie. Crosswords, Sudoku, puzzles, etc...

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

What do you like to do for your "mental rest time"?

[Zachary]

Good question. I'm definitely a reader. I love to read books. It's quiet and relaxing. I could do crosswords for hours. I really do like puzzling. I kind of want to learn how to knit. And I love to play cards with my SO while we listen to the radio. These are the things I do to relax.

[RichBlack]

Hi. I know you said how you didn't like to read to relax, but I would suggest maybe giving reading another chance. Believe it or not, stimulating the mind can also be relaxing. Instead of just staring at a tv screen, passively, you are scanning the page with your eyes, comprehending the words, sentences, passages with you brain. I find this can be both a stimulating and relaxing experience. And of course there are different reading materials for different frames of mind. If I am more interested in stimulation I pick up a more complicated book. If I just want to relax and maybe learn something, a blockbuster will do: working on finishing Dan Brown's Deception Point right now :). There are many other "stimulating" activities that can also be relaxing. And they are relaxing because they focus the mind. Sudoku (you mentioned that one), crosswords perhaps (although I am crap at crosswords) chess (have you tried Play Chess Online - Free Chess Games at Chess.com, great site where you can learn or practice against the computer at four levels or online users). Many, many things you can replace acting out with. Have a good day!!! :D

Rich

[2frustrated]

I agree with Rich. Give reading another chance. There's nothing like a good novel.

Other options:
Drawing/sketching
Peruse art/picture books
Play with your kids
Listen to a symphony
Make a model
cook
watch a good film

[Rowlf]

Hi Jimp,

I'd definitely find some non-computer based way of relaxing. If I'm in vegging out mode then I often find myself tempted.

Reading is my great passion. I also noodle away at building websites (offline) as a relaxation.

BTW relaxation is different from collapsing and vegging out. Relaxing is closer to the flow state, where we can be happily completely absorbing with something that inspires us. Collapsing and vegging out is closer to boredom and in my experience can lead to acting out...

What would you like to get better at? What's your passion?

[grasshopper]

I wonder whether "mindless" is really what we are looking for in this situation. I find that "mindfulness" is much better antidote for long term porn addiction recovery. Porn is escape into mindless withdrawal. Mindfulness is presence, awareness, consciousness. I'm talking about prayer/meditation, conversation, spending time with someone, exercise...

I have a stressful job, run my own business and get home frazzled so I know how you feel. When I am really feeling bad I make sure that my first minute or three at home are my own. I have a cold shower (it's hot 9 months a year where I live) and put on clean clothes. I sit and meditate for two minutes (more powerful than you'd expect in just 2 minutes). I will even sit on the toilet when I don't need to just for the sake of a few minutes' quiet to time to gather myself.

As for things to do in the evening, don't forget to spend time with your kids. There is nothing more "in the moment" than being around little kids. "In the moment" is the opposite of fantasy and is a great antidote to PA. Don't tell the kids what to do. Just be guided by what they want to do. Put on a tu-tu and have a teddy bears tea party if that's what they want. Read stories and use a different silly voice for each character. They will LOVE it. And you will feel less stressed afterwards. Guaranteed.

I know that when I am searching for more mindlessness it is just my addict looking for a porn surrogate. It is better than using porn, but not the best thing for long term recovery.

[rosie]

I wonder whether "mindless" is really what we are looking for in this situation. I find that "mindfulness" is much better antidote for long term porn addiction recovery. Porn is escape into mindless withdrawal. Mindfulness is presence, awareness, consciousness. I'm talking about prayer/meditation, conversation, spending time with someone, exercise...

I have a stressful job, run my own business and get home frazzled so I know how you feel. When I am really feeling bad I make sure that my first minute or three at home are my own. I have a cold shower (it's hot 9 months a year where I live) and put on clean clothes. I sit and meditate for two minutes (more powerful than you'd expect in just 2 minutes). I will even sit on the toilet when I don't need to just for the sake of a few minutes' quiet to time to gather myself.

As for things to do in the evening, don't forget to spend time with your kids. There is nothing more "in the moment" than being around little kids. "In the moment" is the opposite of fantasy and is a great antidote to PA. Don't tell the kids what to do. Just be guided by what they want to do. Put on a tu-tu and have a teddy bears tea party if that's what they want. Read stories and use a different silly voice for each character. They will LOVE it. And you will feel less stressed afterwards. Guaranteed.

I know that when I am searching for more mindlessness it is just my addict looking for a porn surrogate. It is better than using porn, but not the best thing for long term recovery.

Brilliant advice!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Can you do physical activities? Go for a run or walk or ride a bike. Take walks with the kids. Sit outside. Garden. Pick up trash in your neighborhood. I say just do something to get out of the house.

If you can do some physical activity its really the best. If you make it a habit, your body and mind actually craves it when you slack off. I think exercise releases endorphins which are feel good chemicals. So, your brain likes it and its healthy and you will look and feel better.

[jimp]

Thanks for the feedback everyone!!

I will even sit on the toilet when I don't need to just for the sake of a few minutes' quiet to time to gather myself.

I have to admit that I have done this myself, but with two small kids privacy is at a premium. :)

[rosie]

As I have a stressful job and two small kids, I need some time for my mind to rest and do some sort of mindless activity at night. Something less taxing than reading or journaling.

One of the patterns that I have I identified with my therapist is that surfing the web is generally what I like to do as opposed to watching TV. It's calming, semi-mindless and I can always find something I like.

Unfortunately, this has previously led me to looking at pornography (or other fantasy images), or other "Middle Circle" websites which (for me) are not addictive in and of themselves, yet lead into other compulsive Inner Circle acting out.

She suggested I might get a Nook, Kindle or iPad, or even some hand held electronic games for relaxation time. Ie. Crosswords, Sudoku, puzzles, etc...

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

What do you like to do for your "mental rest time"?

At night is harder, I hate tv usually so it's always the net. I find myself wasting way too much time online though, so I have tried to modify this. I have taken a liking to playing poker online ;) Its fun and mindless!

Mindlessness is good sometimes I think, because you need a mental break from the day to day stresses. But I find that simply connecting with yourself can give you breaks from mindlessness any time, anywhere.

If you are thinking about a new hobby - I think that's great. What sort of things do you love doing? For me, it's drawing, painting, playing piano, reading about non-fantasy things (i hate fantasy!). During the day its gardening or cooking or meditation or decorating ;) although I admit to letting these fall by the wayside lately.