Sex with a partner during rebooting the brain

[blindside]

Hey everyone. I am on day 12 of my attempt to abstain from P and Mb for at least 6 weeks.

The question I have for you guys is about meeting someone and the relationship moving forward to sex before you finish your goal of 6 weeks or 100 days or whatever it might be. Part of me suggests that I should not let anything that could even remotely jeopardize my chances of healing myself get in the way. Another part of me says that as long as I am not Mb or using P to cope with situations I should be fine and sex with a partner is natural.

Does anyone have any advice or past experience with this sort of thing in the period when they were just trying to reboot their brain and abstaining from Mb and P and hence orgasms?

[Writer_2]

It's hard to say. The "new person/new sex/pent-up-demand-factor" will probably quench your porn viewing and mb as you now have the real thing, right? I would think that it will return if and when the relationship starts to simmer down a bit, due to passage of time, but it could take years. I had a similar situation years ago: for the first time in my life, I had a full blown, sexual relationship with a woman. It ende up falling apart, because I hadn't fully worked out some emotional problems, of which my porn use was a symptom. Keep in mind, I'm hardly Dr. Phil.

[iwilldothis]

I can tell you this from my experience:

1) Meeting someone new will probably reduce your desire for P and M for a little while, while the sexual relationship is novel and dopamine exciting. Depending on your particular personality/neuro-chemistry, this could be anything between a couple of days to a few months. For me this has been usually 2 weeks to a months.

2) After the initial period, you may see a very large rise in urge towards P and M, as you seek the same dopamine rush as you initially got from the relationship and you decide to resort to old habits. However, if you have been actively working on your progress during this period, there is no reason why you cannot resist the urges to relapse.

3) I am currently in a relationship, and I find that the day after S (post orgasm), my urges are at their greatest. I have relapsed a couple times previously because of this, but have now learnt to cope with it a lot better. So it may be risky, but if you are aware and prepare it can be done.

4) Personally I find sexual relationship to be healing and normalizing as we are forced to tune in into reality rather than fantasy. I find that even if I am having S, abstaining from P continues to have the same positive effect. <-- If you find that you are not present during the sexual encounter and are fantasizing, then this can be a problem. So essentially, it is risky but the rewards can be worth it if you are able to approach the sexual relationship in a healthy way.

[blindside]

hey iwdt,

that was a very well informed and clear reply. Just what I needed. I can totally relate to the new person dopamine rise that you mention. And like you in about a month to 6 weeks I am back craving the rush of Mb and P. This is exactly what happened in my last relationship which lasted all of 3 months. I have a lot of affection for the girl in question and had to get her out of the picture right away since I did not see my problem as something she should have to deal with. I agree with you that personal relationships are the next step in achieving healing but as you said going into it too early can really mess you up and leave you back at square one. Thanks again for the detailed reply.

[AJP2008]

I suppose it goes without saying that if you have sex, then MBing won't be a problem, as it fills the gap nicely, even though sometimes its a better orgasm if we MB, it can't beat the intemacy and goes on for longer too. I would go for it. The best way to get over a bad lover ie. P is to start with another real one i.e. your relationship. This is a good thing, its natural instead of artificial.

[Cupcakemomma]

I don't know if this is of any help, but it is a perspective from the other side. This is only my experiance, so take it or trash it.
When my BF was using P a lot, he tended to "use" my body as an MB aid, the longer he has let his mind rest from all the trash, the more in tune he is to having "real" sex that actually forges a connection instead of just fulfilling a visual or a script. At least thats what I see.

[AJP2008]

Sorry, didn't mean to offend, I was in the situation a few years ago. But it was better to quit and have real sex to see how to could be to be with a real partner, but in respect to your partner you must not be using p