Does this analogy work for SO's pain?

[BelieveInHope]

Let me know if you think this is an adequate analogy for how the SO feels about the “It’s not about you”, “This has nothing to do with you” statements we always hear.
There once was a husband and wife who loved each other very much. They experienced much happiness together, but there was one problem. The husband was obsessed with eating dessert. Whenever he saw it, he had to eat some, whether it be brownies, ice cream, cake, or donuts. He knew this wasn’t healthy for him, but no one was getting hurt, right?
Only a strange thing began to happen. Whenever the husband indulged in a dessert, the wife received an electric shock. Pain would surge through her body. Her heart would gallop against her chest, making her weak and dizzy. For awhile, she didn’t know why it was happening. It occurred at random times: while shopping at the store, driving through town, at a restaurant with the family. The husband felt guilty, but surely the shocks weren’t that bad. After all, everyone ate dessert. He didn’t see anyone else complaining or being hurt by it.
Then one day the wife discovered the connection between the shocks and her husband’s insatiable desire for dessert. The wife was hurt and betrayed. “Did you know that I was being hurt every time you ate ice cream?” she asked.
“I thought what you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you,” the husband admitted. “I know constantly stuffing my face is bad for me. I will stop, I promise.”
But he didn’t stop. He tried, he really did. But the succulent desserts were everywhere—warm pastries, frosting-smothered cakes, gooey chocolate chip cookies. He battled his temptations. Just a bite, he would think. One last time.
So the shocks continued, only now they seemed even more painful to the wife. “Please,” she asked. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“This has nothing to do with you,” the husband assured her, hugging her. “I love you so much.”
“I can make sweet things for you, too,” the wife said. She baked him her signature vanilla cake. She made it for him every single day. But it wasn’t enough.
“I adore your cake, honey,” the husband said. “It’s the best.”
“Then why do you need the other desserts?”
When the husband couldn’t answer, the wife asked another question. “Why are you choosing the desserts over me?”
The husband couldn’t believe how unreasonable she was. “How could I pick chocolate over you? This is not a comparison. This is not a competition. You are the most important thing to me.”
The wife tried to believe him, but with every electric shock she knew that it was a competition, and she was losing.
The wife found she was getting weaker. Sometimes her heart beat so wildly against her ribs that she had to lie down. “I feel like I’m dying,” she whispered as she lay in her husband’s arms one night.
The husband felt a stab of guilt, but he quickly brushed it away. He was trying to change! He was doing his best. Didn’t she understand this was his battle? Didn’t she understand this was about him and defeating his desire for fudge sundaes, which he knew were unhealthy? Why did she keep making this about herself? Why was she being so selfish? “This isn’t about you!” he insisted.
But the electric shocks coursing through her body weakened her heart. Her body trembled. It was hard for her to walk, to take care of her children, to find joy in anything. She understood that if she left her husband, the pain would stop. But she wouldn’t leave. She loved him, and she kept believing that someday soon he would see her pain.
The husband saw his wife fading away. But it’s only a cookie! He insisted to himself, even as he swore this was truly the very last time.
One day he came home and the wife was lying in bed, unmoving. Her breathing came in ragged gasps. Her heartbeat slowed. The overwhelming stress had beaten down her body over the weeks, months, and years that her husband had allowed the shocks to hurt her.
The husband was stunned at the state his wife was in. How could he not have seen as she slowly wasted away? Terrified, he cradled her in his arms. “Please don’t give in,” he wept. “Please fight this. Don’t give up! I’ll change, I promise! I’ll do anything! Anything!”
The wife didn’t have to speak. He could see it in her pain-ridden eyes. He could see it in her wilted, trembling body.
He held her, his tears soaking her hair, as she died. Only then, when it was too late, did the husband finally understand.
It was not her fault. She did not cause it. It had nothing to do with her.
But because she loved him, his actions caused her pain. IT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HER.
And eventually it destroyed her.




sorry for how this is written, I copy and pasted, and I can't seem to edit in the middle, the curser will only go to the end@

[BeingThere]

I think this is an apt analogy. It is sad as well because the desserts were truly not about the wife and they didn't diminish his love. The sad part is how he could watch her pain caused by his own actions and not be able to stop. That is hell for both.

Where the addict can't stop, there seems only two options: 1) SO suffers and dies; 2) the wires carrying the current are cut. Either way, the relationship is destroyed.

I knew an electrician that would test a light socket by sticking his finger in it. He didn't feel the current like everyone else. I know that some SO's feel the shock far more than others. Many of those SO's are on this or similar sites seeking relief from the pain. I'm not a lesser man because I can't stick my finger in a light socket and you're not a lesser wife because you can't endure the constant pain.

-Mike

[Broken Spirit]

BIH, thank you for putting my pain into words.>:D<

:((

[TooSensitive]

BIH, so beautifully written. Yes, what you wrote is a great analogy, and correct at that!

If I wasn't feeling a bit tougher today and if I hadn't been crying last night, I know that reading what you wrote today would have made me cry. I'm just in a somehwat detached place right now, which has its pros and cons, as you know. Sometimes it prevents me from being emotional, when otherwise I might be.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I think it is important for us to express that pain when we are feeling that. Feeling that pain is what allows us to appreciate the times when we are not feeling it that much more.

You have a good weekend, dear heart.

P.S. - I like Mike's analogy, too. So true.