When you stop P, do you lose sexual desire ?

[rosie]

Just wondering. Has anybody who is recovering from PA experienced a loss of libido completely?

And, if so, why? Is it because your choice of stimuli is not an option anymore?

[FoolishMind]

For me personally Rosie, after first acknowleding I was a PA, it was the first 2 weeks that i really felt disgusted with myself, and anything sexual disgusted me. It took a good month or so, where I actually went back to simplistic innocent romance that the libido started to kick in again. IMHO that really was an important part of rebuilding our intimate side of our relationship, it was like two young kids again, just holding hands, a simple hug etc.

So yes Libido was lost due to my disgust, and also acknowledging my wife couldnt look at me with sparkling eyes either. But like what we keep saying, its about taking everything back to basics and rebuilding our relationships again.

FM

[thatguy]

In my experience due to PA I think P was the only thing that could get me aroused. After years and years of P use (and no real sex) I think I have unwillingly trained my body to only get aroused to P. I think its just a matter of mentally conditioning yourself and training yourself to get aroused by normal, real life stimuli i.e intimacy and sex.

[chasman62]

For me I can say definitely no. The whole compulsion had taken on a completely otherworldly quality that was in a way almost disconnected from the sexual component (not completely of course but increasingly so). I had a whole other life with 'connections' with other women over the internet and so on. Way removed from just physical gratification.

In fact one of the things that hurt K the most was that in the months leading up to her final discovery the physical side of our relationship had been better than for years. I was completely able to disassociate the two things in my head (although sometimes if I had been on a particularly prolonged binge my 'real life' performance wasn't the best).

Again, as with many things in this complicated tangled mess that is sexual compulsion, nothing is simple or can be easily generalized.

[rogerdodger]

on the contrary, i've been experiencing something rather wonderful, which is a fully connected physical and emotional relationship with my partner. and it's one of the things that keeps me going during those difficult moments during the week when i feel like using again - the knowledge that if i keep on the straight and narrow that sex will be so, so much better. it's almost as if, having used P as a sedative to 'manage feelings of inadequacy and frustration when i saw everyone else having relationships, i'm starting to work out what the difference is between P. and real life intimacy. I know, it sounds a bit silly, but I guess my attitude towards sex never really developed from the teenage self who started using P. and then never really stopped - until now!

[AJP2008]

I think for me personally, I always do better sexually after I've quit P or don't look at it for a few days. As a male I experience a lack of erection due to looking at porn, possibly due to the always beautiful women and men on the videos and doing comparisons to myself...silly I know but it worries me and therefore stresses my sexual time.

[Zachary]

For me personally Rosie, after first acknowledging I was a PA, it was the first 2 weeks that i really felt disgusted with myself, and anything sexual disgusted me. It took a good month or so, where I actually went back to simplistic innocent romance that the libido started to kick in again.

FM

You said it. My disgust with myself definitely plays a role in that, but it's something that with time, and working with my SO, I believe will be overcome.

So yes Libido was lost due to my disgust, and also acknowledging my wife couldnt look at me with sparkling eyes either

FM

That's a big one too... but, we've worked so hard, and I can see the sparkle again. It's so worth it, every day with her is just a blessing. Working hard to rebuild my relationship after this addiction is what keeps me going. Hope that helps.