HELP!!!! S3X with SO during this process

[deadmonkey]

Ok mods delete this if you feel it necessary.
Should this be abstained from? During the first steps of this process or can this be used as a healthy theraputic step into the recovery. My Wife and I have a very healthy s3x life, but I feel if I stop while trying to recover this could complicate things. I am just confused about the whole thing. If you do not want to answer here you can message me. I just want your thoughts and the thoughts of the SO's. Thanks

[Dominus]

Why would you want to stop??? its 'unatural' porn thats the problems, not normal S3X with your wife.

[deadmonkey]

I dont want to stop I just am new to this

[Dominus]

Don't stop, sexuality is like clay, you can mold it one way or the other, the more you get gratification from porn the less interest your wife will have for you, the more you reject porn and look for intimacy with your wife, the more interest you will have in her and less in porn. Mold yourself into the normal and natural route.

Plus abstaining would be frustrating for her and make it more difficult for you.

Good luck to you.

[Cupcakemomma]

Just my two cents as an SO...
If your wife knows and is still willing, you are a lucky man, as I personally can't fathom it. There is nothing pleasant about wondering if you are just an MB subsitute or if he is imagining P.

[deadmonkey]

and thats what I was thinking.

[Crisodian]

There are actually several schools of thought on this.

One: A no-sx, no P & no MB period to retrain the brain to accept healthy sxual impulses and chemicals. Frustrating if you have a normal sx life and challenging for the SO.

Two: no P & no MB, regular sxual relations. Can be challenging for the SO if she/he knows about the PA.

And I know there are more...

IMO, I think it's for the couple to decide what is best.

If the SO knows about the PA, then intimate relations need to be openly discussed so that each partner is comfortable. If the SO does not know about the PA, then there has to be some communication about either no-sx OR normal sxual relation.

However, I believe the SO should have the knowledge and choice of what is happening in their intimate lives. If they are unaware of the PA, that can prove to be a challenge.

My 2 cents...

~C~

[deadmonkey]

Well our s3xual relations are not normal because I leave for work every 14 days and stay gone for 14 days at a time

[Crisodian]

I guess it depends on you mostly.... what you feel you need to do to develop a healthy brain chemistry again AND how much you have involved your SO.

If your SO is not invovled, and for simplicity sake, you have a normal sx life on your 14 days home, then she may wonder what is wrong if you suddenly stop wanting or seeking intimacy. If your sx life is already not-normal, again it goes back to what YOU need for recovery.

:)

[Dominus]

This is proving to be an interesting question and I think that I am viewing it from my own perspective and need to widen out. Obviously if your wife can't stand the sight of you at the moment then she needs her space and you must live with it. But if she is ok with it then I personally think its healthier to keep things the way they are. If you are finding it neccesary to think of porn when with her then that is not a healthy expression of intimacy with her and should be avoided like the plague as it indeed does turn her into a MB tool which would be horrible.