Question about future disclosing

[RichBlack]

Hi all. A question just popped up. And I am interested in finding an answer. Lets say (and this is a big IF at the moment) that I do meet my goal of acquiring substantial recovery and years have gone by, and then I find someone, get engaged. After years have passed without a slip or acting out, does a recovered addict disclose their past addiction to their future spouse? I have the feeling that I will mostly recieve "yes" as an answer. So then, I would like to ask RAs, how would you go about doing it, and SOs, how would you react, what would you think? Thanks.

Rich

[1dayatatime]

Perhaps something along the lines of this:

"Being open is important to me. We have come to a place in our relationship where I feel sharing more intimate details of myself with you. In my past, LONG before I met you, I wrestled with issues related to P. I can assure that these are totally in my past and that I have dealt with these issues and resolved them. Since I so respect you, I wanted to let you know of this part of my past. If you want to talk about this or have questions about this let me know."

[Daniel]

1dayatatime summed it up nicely.

I would definitely want to disclose it and explain it to the extent that they wanted to hear it (in theory as I'm extremely happily married!).

[Crisodian]

Speaking from the SO perspective, I would have been much more accepting had my H come clean about his addiction before we were married. In my case, I too have a past history of addiction and would have been supportive of him to "come clean". Even had he not been in recovery for a long period of time, or even struggling to find recovery, I would have preferred to know, to understand, going into the marriage.

It also would have been a lot less devistating to the trust in our relationship.

IMO, a solid marriage should be built on trust and open, honest communication.

Honesty, up front, is always the best policy.