Honeymoon period ...

[rogerdodger]

Just wondering if anyone out there has gone through a honeymoon period after quitting P and might be able to provide some advice on how to deal with it. At the moment, things seem to be going almost too well - the urges are still there but i'm dealing with them and feeling really good about the way things are going. However, I'm a bit concerned that once this P-free state of affairs has become 'routine', there may be a sense of 'is that it?' and the danger of returning to P (kind of like a 'comedown' after the initial 'buzz').

I'm trying not to set any goals at present (beyond 'one day at a time') as i think that it overlooks the fact that this needs to be for life, not just 60 days or 6 months or a year. I'm not knocking those who do set (and achieve) their goals, i just don't think it's the right thing for me.

Any thoughts or strategies on how to manage this would be much appreciated.

RD

[Phil413]

Hey, rogerdodger,

If you read through the early days of my journal (link in my signature), I felt the same way. It seemed too easy this time, and I kept waiting to be blindsided by overwhelming urges. So far (7 weeks) they haven't come. Oh, there've been a few urges, and some were even fairly strong, but nothing like they've been in the past. I'm keeping my guard up, and I hope you are, too, but it looks like we've both found a way out of the weeds. Yay!

As for your question, so far I haven't found sobriety to be a letdown. It feels more like recovering from the flu. You start to feel normal again, and not a bit nostalgic for the illness.

Phil

[rosie]

Yes I have noticed this in my husband at times of quitting.

I think making the decision makes him feel empowered and hopeful and positive about the future. He also feels very loving towards me during these periods - which is usually a bad thing because I have just discovered it again and feel sad. But, it usually wears off. In our case, 2 weeks, because he isn't putting into action stress-relief strategies and it all gets too much. He then goes into 'putting out fire' mode, and his attention is focused on trying to manage the stress and 'fires' of the week or two that he was off in positive happy-fairy land ;)

Its great to feel empowered and positive, but don't let yourself become complacent. :)

[grasshopper]

Just wondering if anyone out there has gone through a honeymoon period after quitting P and might be able to provide some advice on how to deal with it.

Absolutely. It's one of nature's gifts to the recovering addict. We replace the porn high with the recovery high. But if it works, use it. You just have to be aware of it, as you are, and be prepared for the tough days that will come.

I am starting to recognise that one of my warning signs is feeling comfortable in recovery. There is too much at stake for me to get comfortable. Yes I can have food in my belly, a nice bed at night and a wide screen in my lounge room, but I'm talking about a different type of comfortable. If I am comfortable then I am probably not listening to the inner voice that will point me towards the road less travelled if I listen to it. I used porn to avoid listening to that still small voice, as Elijah called it. I need to remind myself that abstinence is not recovery. Necessary for recovery yes, but not the same thing. Abstinence is either off or on. Recovery is ongoing.

One thing that prods me out of being too comfortable is my wife expressing how she is feeling or asking about my recovery. I have to remind myself to be present and listen. Another thing that is useful is working through a Recovery Nation workshop. If you are interested, google Recovery Nation and see if it suits you. The workshops are free, very challenging and guaranteed to keep you that tiny bit uncomfortable. (In a good way.)

Hope some of this helps.

'hopper

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

grasshopper-

This is the most profound thing I have read on TTF from a PA. Many people here have said it in different ways, but you have said it the most clearly. Maybe it should be a motto for people here. :)

...abstinence is not recovery. Abstinence is either off or on. Recovery is ongoing.

[rosie]

I am starting to recognise that one of my warning signs is feeling comfortable in recovery. There is too much at stake for me to get comfortable

I am curious as to where this 'comfort' stems from.

I have a different name for it when I see it in my HB. And comfort is not it :P (Correct me if I am wrong here GH). It is pridefulness/a sense of mastery. Smugness. I often say to HR when I see him being smug about anything - "pride cometh before the fall", and indeed, it does. Pride doesn't seem to be able to coexist with humility. They are opposites?

I have always thought that an absence of humility equates to an absence of self-growth, at least with myself - when I think I have mastered something life has a way of knocking me down a peg and forces me to be humble.

It would make sense that if you are feeling prideful or like you have mastered something, that you are lacking humility and opportunities to continue to grow. It is a disconnect from your realistic-sense of self, because nobody has mastered anything fully. Ever. There is always room to learn and grow.

So when you stop stop growing and learning (even if for a moment) by thinking you have arrived, you stop bending to life's challenges, and you find yourself in a state of rigidity...and like anything in the world, rigid things have the ability to break. Bendy things just keep on bending.

Keep on being bendy peoples! lol

Interesting and thought-provoking. Thanks!

[Daniel]

Just wondering if anyone out there has gone through a honeymoon period after quitting P and might be able to provide some advice on how to deal with it. At the moment, things seem to be going almost too well - the urges are still there but i'm dealing with them and feeling really good about the way things are going. However, I'm a bit concerned that once this P-free state of affairs has become 'routine', there may be a sense of 'is that it?' and the danger of returning to P (kind of like a 'comedown' after the initial 'buzz').

Roger,

Yes, this euphoria-like stage will come to an end. But it can last months, days, or only a few hours depending on the person and the environment.

Check this post: Stages of PA and Recovery.

This will provide one model of what the post-euphoria will look like.

Prepare now while your resolve is strong.

Daniel

[rogerdodger]

Thanks folks, makes a lot of sense and good to see that others have dealt with this.

I particularly like the idea that you shouldn't let yourself get too comfortable. I've found, in the past, that I'm most susceptible to watching P when I'm feeling lazy and de-motivated so this ties in really well. It also points to the importance of continually challenging ourselves to get to the heart of why we become addicted to P - in other words, to focus on the underling issues/problems and not just the behaviour itself.

Cheers all.