If you could go back in time....what could have helped?

[Disillusioned]

Truthfully, I would have given up on any idea or foolish dream of a relationship with a man. Didn't have what it took and never will. Should have gone to a nunnery where that sort of thing is not forward in your mind, and where you can live out your life in service to others and quiet prayer to God. I believe that this is the alternative for women to fulfill their need for nurturing and not depend on a man who momentarily "loves" them, but cannot hang around for the long term. Wish I'd have headed straight for this instead of having disappointed my h in so many ways in a long and empty marriage. How sad it is to come so far only to look back and see the remains of all that is precious being dropped from the wagon of our lives as unworthy and not enough.

[burnedout]

D - So, so sorry you're feeling like this. Sending you strength.

If I had it to do all over again, I would hope that I had family members who accepted my introversion and emotional volatility, instead of parents who said things like, "Stop acting so put upon," and "You think you've got problems?" and "Why don't you just go up and talk to them? What's the matter with you?"

Since there's no going back, I want to try to listen to my nieces and nephews and friends' kids when I see them acting out the way my friends and I did, and not just assume they're doing it on purpose, "to get attention." The resources to head off behavioral problems have been out there for years. I shouldn't have had to hunt them down myself.

[elle kay]

i wonder how much good a strong family upbringing will be, faced with the bombardment of a p*fied society. I fear for my daughter and the expectations/attitudes of her peers.

i think if leaflets outlined the link with P and erectile dysfunction, P and rape, P and human trafficking, the disease, the harm, maybe boys would not see it as so glamourous and exciting.

[Wise]

What would I do? Oh, that one is easy. I started watching P when I was very young, too young to actually understand what was going on, and by the time I had gotten older and could understand, it was too late to stop (you can read more in my recovery journal if you'd like). During that time, when I had only seen P a handful of times, I also had a therapist. My mother referred to it as 'anger management' because I did have some anger problems, and under that context I absolutely hated it. Looking back, this person was a therapist, just a regular therapist - and gosh, how I wished I could have made better use of her service. I can't anymore because asking my mom to get me a therapist would be too suspicious, but if I had confided to her that I had been watching P - and I almost did (I distinctly remember asking her if she could keep a secret and she said 'I'll only tell your parents if I believe your physical safety is in danger', and that was enough to me - I got too paranoid and chickened out, saying something else I don't remember) - then I could be in a way better situation than what happened to me before I came here. I could have had someone to help me through this, but at the time all I wanted was to get away from 'anger management' ASAP. Looking back, I really did need some help. That's why I'm here :)

[exteberria]

I think if someone could have informed of exactly what p does to your body chemistry, I would have given the stuff up immediately. If someone had told me of the long term effects of p use, and its conditioning of one into becoming a pervert and un-dateable man - I would have never gone near it. If I had been told of the absolute disastrous and toxic effect it would have on women inside and outside of the business - that would have been the last of it for me.