Anger

[maggie]

Daniel

Insight.... not incite !!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Maggie,

Sometimes we incite people here too... which can work too! :D I like English!

[mell]

Maggie ,

I just read through the posts here and I can relate to the anger. I am a PA. I want to comment on two things.

1 - The way I see it, if somebody continues to do things they know will have bad consequences, they are an addict. End of story. Addict is a word I hate to use myself, but it is what it is. Every time I go through acting out, I am running from getting caught. I always tell myself "this is the last time" but the next chance I get, I'm at it again. My addiction has nearly and may currently destroy my marriage. It has put pain onto my wife that she does not deserve. Still, I continue to have lapses and sink back into the P.

2 - I understand where the anger is coming from. When I act out, I always feel like I have earned my "reward" (to indulge in P). I'm just a red blooded man, I work hard, I didn't get to do...., etc. When I lose focus on my addiction, I will make any excuse to indulge. I always get caught, normally after at least a couple weeks of acting out. I have even used my addiction as an excuse. "Why is it so hard to forgive me...you know I'm addicted..."

Sorry to ramble on for so long. Just my thoughts.


Mell

[maggie]

Thanks Mell for your thoughts. That's all we have to share with everyone on this site, so thoughts are very valuable.

This site is amazing. In one way it is the perfect place for venting, expressing embarrasing things and seeking support or at least tolerance from others.

But, in another way this site can be hazardous. We, the SO's, are throwing our hurt, anger and pain out there and the PAs are dealing with their own pain and shame.

Somehow it all works here, although I've made and received a few ' not so good ' posts.

I like your statement: The way I see it, if somebody continues to do things they know will have bad consequences, they are an addict. End of story.

As you can guess, I never believed this was a true addiction, until I began to read the sad struggles of successful men on this site. I gradually began to have sympathy for my H, and told him that it was an addiction and he needed to work with a trained therapist. He was highly insulted ! ADDICTION... no way did he have an addiction.

But, as you stated if a person continues to behave in ways that could destroy important things in his life, if what he is doing regularly or compulsively is not helping him, then it is an addiction.

[Sonomette]

This site is amazing. In one way it is the perfect place for venting, expressing embarrasing things and seeking support or at least tolerance from others.

But, in another way this site can be hazardous. We, the SO's, are throwing our hurt, anger and pain out there and the PAs are dealing with their own pain and shame.

Funny, we were just talking about that last night. I think (maybe I'm being egotistical here) that the reason this site works so well-- even when it's two groups of people who historically have been on completely opposite sides of the spectrum regarding P use-- is that most users of this site seem quite intelligent and openminded, and as far as I have seen, it seems that most users of this site use it as a tool for good, rather than one to hurt others.

Even if the truth stings a little, it's still better than a lie, and I think most people here would agree on that.