For SO's: Has this influenced your opinion of men?

[little_wife]

I used to be a fairly open friendly person. But really 5 years or so, I've totally pulled back from being open to men at all. It's like I see them all as PA's who can't see women as full persons beyond the outside package. I worry they all hate women who are old, overweight or who do not appeal visually to them. I have a son, who is wonderful, but I sometimes worry he's this awful male persona that I have in my head that fits all men. Do any of you other women have these feelings? Don't get me wrong, I know, intellectually that all men are not this way---and when I read the stories of so many of the men here who want to be better people, I know I'm wrong. Men are not that different then women at the very core. But yet, this nagging feeling stays with me. What is your opinions on this?

[Crisodian]

lw-
I work in a very male dominated work environment. Some days I am the only woman on site for hours. That being said, I have noticed that where I used to laugh and chuckle with them and tolerate their sometimes lewd behavior, I no longer find it funny or entertaining.

I am still an open and outgoing person but this recovery process has made me a whole lot more sensitive to the verbage used in conversations and behavior of men in general.

For me, I wouldn't say it has altered my perspective of men as a whole, but definitely how I react to them in certain situations.

Peace,
~C~

[little_wife]

lw-
have noticed that where I used to laugh and chuckle with them and tolerate their sometimes lewd behavior, I no longer find it funny or entertaining.

I am still an open and outgoing person but this recovery process has made me a whole lot more sensitive to the verbage used in conversations and behavior of men in general.
~C~

Hmmmm, that's interesting. That almost sounds as if you wised up, rather then closed off. That's probably closer to what I WISH I felt.
For me, with my current attitude, its like this has taken so much of the enjoyment of being a woman away from me.

[Junebug1944]

I've had the opposite reaction. I dont want my SO around women, I have in a way began to see all women as S crazed because of all the different girls on webcams and videos. You dont know who they really are. I also dont trust my SO enough to be around them. But men, not really. I feel like my SO's addiction is singular to him. And it makes me fell very alone.

[Miki]

I definitely look at people in general differently. I have a different outlook (and more questions) about the power differentials and taboos in our society in regards to the relationships between men and women, women and women, men and men, etc. But, I still want to believe in individuals (not "all men" or "all women") and their right and responsibility to make positive changes for themselves.

[Pandora's Hope]

I've definitely become more conservative in my tolerance of lewd jokes, pinups, etc. There was a time that I was very open-minded about all that sort of thing, but I'm pretty intolerant of it now. I probably am slower to trust men in general than I once was, but some of that could simply be the result of age, wisdom, experience...? At any rate, it certainly seems, from what's being said, that this addiction affects the people around the addict in some pretty profound and lasting ways.

[Crisodian]

At any rate, it certainly seems, from what's being said, that this addiction affects the people around the addict in some pretty profound and lasting ways.

I think that is what is key here. As SOs, we all are affected by our partner's PA in so many ways, and Pandora's right - lasting ways.

Sometimes those affects are not even directly noticed until we really analyze how our views have changed.

Peace,
~C~

[debv]

I have definitely found that my attitude toward men has changed. I used to take it as a compliment if a man acted as though he found me physically attractive, but now I find it demeaning because I believe that he is not looking at me as a whole, capable person, but instead is only seeing body parts. I'm much more attuned to the subtle (and not so subtle) sexism in the world.

I also can't stand to see attractive women or skimpily dressed women with my PA, either, not because I don't trust the women but because I don't trust him and what could be going through his mind about them since he's admitted that he's been viewing women as certain parts only and not complete people. That's colored my view of other men, too. I never realized all those years that DW was the sort of man who didn't appreciate women as human beings, and it makes me realize that I can't tell what other men are not valuing women as human beings but only as body parts. So now I'm skeptical about what men think of women generally and what men think of me.

[hopefulwife]

This is a great question and it make us all analize how this has colored our other relationships and interactions. It deserves so much though.

I havent got to know my newly changed self enough yet but I do know a few things about how i feel. I dont like women who dress like sluts. I think they dont value themselfs and dont want men to see them as more than flesh. I dont think I could ever be in a relationship with anyone who views porn even if it has never been a problem. Befor I was very open. not any more. I dont think all men are dogs but i think that s3x is on their minds alot and I dont think i like that. I am more stressed and that effects every thing. I get depressed and angry.

Its very sad to realize how much this has effected us all.

[maggie]

I just posted and it disappeared, so if this is a repeat post, sorry.

Great question little wife and yes, my entire outlook of men and women has changed dramatically.

I was a strong male supporter, prior to my H's PA. I thought of men as responsible, reliable, hard working....basically good people.

I felt men had a tough role in life, holding in their hurt & pain, never being able to show their emotions. Always having to appear strong in a crisis or emergency. Always being the go to person for help.

I resented women who leaned on men so much, that they burdened the men with all of their personal problems. I felt bad for the typical ' hen pecked ' male that had to ask permission from his partner and couldn't make decisions on his own. I resented controlling women.

Now, I have become bitter toward men. I see them as weak, acting on primative urges and lacking control of their impulses.
I am speaking of adult PA's, not young adolescent males that get pulled into this addiction by the manipulative Big Business of porn industry.

I also have a new disrespect for the females that pose naked to arouse weak men, and the business savy females that surgically enhance their bodies for the sole purpose of arousing men.

Prior to learning about this powerful and destructive addiction, and the damage it causes to the mind & soul of PA's and SO's, I use to feel bad for the young, drug addicted porn actresses that endured this abuse for money.

Now, I don't feel sympathy for them anymore, because I have witnessed the destruction their sick behavior causes in so many lives of innocent people.

Wow, in answer to your question, I guess I have become very disillusioned and bitter. More evidence of porn's ability to destroy lives.