Mythbusting

[gnein]

Fess up, we all have them. Those silly little "myths" we told (or maybe still tell) ourselves to justify our P addiction. Thoughts and ideas that come into our head and make our recovery more difficult. I thought it might be useful if we all posted ours so that the other members could shoot them down. I think once the "myths" are exposed for what they are, or "busted", some of us might find recovery a little easier. I'll start with a couple of mine.

1. "My libido will decline if I don't regularly view P, which will ruin my sx live with a potential partner" -- this is clearly rubbish. There are billions of men all over the world who have fulfilling intimate relationships with their partners without P.

2. "I need P to 'educate' myself so that I'll know what to do when I need to become 'intimate' with a partner" (yes, I really did believe that for a long time). This too is clearly rubbish. P is fake and is a lie. Real people don't enjoy being degraded like that (just look at the number of P performers who commit suicide). Communication is the best way to learn what a partner wants to to do when it's time to get intimate.

Your turn.

[bananaman]

"I can't go out with a loaded gun" If you know what I mean...

Clearly a daft idea as mb'ing before going out just makes me think about sx all the more!

[Vorlan]

1. I can always deal with it later. One more P session won't hurt. - There is no later with dealing with PA, now is the time to act, if you aren't prepared to deal with it now it's unlikely you will be tomorrow.
2. Everyone does it. Threfore it can't be a problem. Most men don't MB or use P regularly. It's a common myth that "everyone does it" and even if they did that doesn't make P any less of a problem.
3. The P industry is a victimlless one - This is totally wrong; the P actors are exploited and abused,the big buisinesses make a lot of money from it especially amoung the poorer people in society and finally as we see to the addict it destroys their life nad the lives of those around them.

There are afew of the main ones that spring to mind, I'll post back if I think of any more.

Good thread, thanks for posting this one! :)

Best wishes,

Ben

[Little lock]

1) MBing is a normal way to relieve stress- Maybe that holds true for the average guy. But for a PA in his early stages of recovery, MB in my view is as dangerous as a drink to the recovering alcoholic.

There's nothing wrong with a drink once in all for a normal person, but for a Alcoholic Addict it is potentially dangerous. Same holds true for MB. I do know of some people who can MB normally despite being a PA, but generally they only attempt that carefully, with limits and only after making some progress on their recovery.

2)Just one more time and then I'll stop- Welp, I'm pretty sure most of us have fallen for this sometime or another, me included. Vorlan said it best though. Now is the time to act, not later, not tomorrow, but NOW.

3)You can't win P, you need it in your life- Oh no you don't. Look at all the recovery journals. They are proof of people striving to a better, P-free life. And quite a few of them have proven results already. And look at ALL of the happy, fufilled people living in the world without P. If they can do it, so can we. A life without P is a better life.

I think that's about all I can think of. If I do have anymore I'll come back later. Thanks Gnein. Helpful thread:)

[Daniel]

I. It feels so good it can't be wrong. Acknowledged that yes it does feel good to be titillated but you must COUNT THE COST. The price is so high that it can't be paid. It takes genuine forgiveness on the part of the people that will be potentially destroyed by your P use. This forgiveness must be willingly granted by the person who was hurt beyond description.
II. I'm on my own, I'm only hurting myself and I'm tough, I can take it. You're fooling yourself if you think the poison will not overflow into others' lives. No matter who you are you have somebody somewhere who loves and cares for you, wants lifes' best for you, wants you to succeed and be happy and fulfilled. How would this person feel if they knew the extent to which you were augered in to your addiction?
III. Nobody will ever know. "Do not be deceived God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that he will also reap." Can't help but put some Bible on this one. This is the sick joke I used to tell myself. BUT YOU WILL KNOW!!! And that kind of knowledge will wear you down to a crust of bread. A weight that you must carry. It will never allow you to emerge and be the shining person you were supposed to be.
IV. There is no use in trying to quit. I will only fail again. This is how people win races, they quit! NEVER! You can't just lay on the floor and let the P monster tear you limb from limb without a fight. Get up & TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK! You can do it. And we will be right alongside...!

To all of the Recoverers who have woken up and emerged from the fog!

Daniel

[gnein]

I want to add to point 3 of Daniel's post above -- you'll be surprised just who will find out. Sure, the addict gets very good at covering their tracks, but we're only human. Sooner or later you WILL forget to cover something up, and someone WILL find out. Do you really want that embarrassment? Do you really want to have to worry about it EVERY time you have company? That someone might accidentally walk a little too close to your stash and you'll "make a scene"?

"I need to MB to P so I can satisfy my urges, then I won't be tempted to assault anyone when I go out". Sorry, but P won't reduce your urges in the long term. They'll just get stronger and harder to control. If you're really tempted to assault other people you should be getting counselling or therapy.

[Little lock]

If you're really tempted to assault other people you should be getting counselling or therapy.

Haha I liked that. I just relapsed, but hearing what Daniel had to say on point 4 really helped.:)

Awesome thread again. Thanks alot gnein!

[Daniel]

"I need to MB to P so I can satisfy my urges, then I won't be tempted to assault anyone when I go out". Sorry, but P won't reduce your urges in the long term. They'll just get stronger and harder to control.

Oh yes. Now I remember -this was also one of my favorite lame excuses and debotched rationalizations.

If I do this [P; & MB in the older days], then I won't commit the larger error of bringing someone else in and messing them up at the same time. It provides a nice safe outlet, a safety relief valve.

The skin of the truth stuffed with a lie. It's partially true, there is some immediate relief. But the feelings come back. And with a vengeance. They don't want the corner of your mind, they want the whole thing.

The better way is to learn how to exercise self-control, practice restraint, and learn to live within the ordained boundaries of your life...

[Tagank]

'Since I get stressed from living in this crowded, urban environment, and since, just like everyone else, I have a natural urge to MB, then I might as well enhance my MB'ing experience as much as I can, for two reasons: (1) to please myself as much as I can per MB'ing session and (2) to "drain" myself so that I won't have to MB again for a longer time.'

A self-fulfilling prophecy is when something happens simply because it was believed that it would indeed happen. So, if I constantly tell myself that I will MB no matter what, then of course I will MB, because I've convinced myself that that is the inevitable outcome. And I will probably MB more often than otherwise simply because that is what I believe is 'natural.' And if I convince myself that P is the thing which will satisfy me most, then I will believe it and thus always use P when MB'ing. But people are capable of countering what is often, and erroneously, in my opinion, called 'nature:' I mean, it seems okay to most people that pornographers counter nature by constantly exploiting the pill-form contraceptives in order to avoid pregnancies, but it is absolutely unacceptable for someone to even want, let alone try, to cut back on the natural activity MB.

And as for the 'draining' oneself, the truth is that avoiding a draining makes me a happier, more energetic, and much more confident person.

What say you all?

[Vorlan]

I agree with you totally Tagank!

I think one of the biggest problems that people come up against is that they pre-dispose themselves to lose. They say that they "need" to MB/ watch P and they feel they are going to do so whatever they do.

In truth of course we can always say no to temptation and instead of pre-disposing ourselves to lose we should be confident and optimistic and pre-dispose ourselves to win and to beat P forever!

I am personally very sceptical about claims that MB is healthy, natural and worst of all neccessary. I have now gone over 200 days without MB and I feel only better. Personally I think that MB is common but not neccessarlly natural.

Best wishes,

Ben