Mythbusting

[Daniel]

Yep. When I fall back into a binge, I think stuff like: "This is is so great, what was I thinking in trying to quit? It's only right and natural! Porn, please forgive me for trying to quit you."

Dewvis,

I've seen your name around for a bit but this is our first conversation -welcome to TTF.

A very telling scenario you have here, where we, in the throes of the addiction, come dangerously close to deifying P to the point of worship. I'm sure that on a practical level it's true enough to make me sick to my stomach thinking about it...

Around 2004 I came to a point where the cycle of binging and then vowing to quit had become so frustrating that I decided to chose one or the other, and I chose porn.

I hated being a porn addict, but I hated the back-and-forth roller coaster ride of indulging and then vowing to quit even more.

I decided to really embrace it, and to stop trying to quit; and I stopped reading anti-porn articles, stopped going to church where I'd hear anti-porn sermons, and generally put my blinders on.

The results have been not good, which is why I'm here.

I can relate to every one of these rationalizations Dewvis.

AND like you observe here and so many others can testify, choosing to give up the fight and go head first into the slime... It doesn't work.

The "non-solution" with a storm of unbearable pain.

Daniel

[Dewvis]

Its nice to know that I'm not the only one. I'm glad I found this site. I've been to plenty of other sites like this over the years but there was far too much debate and not enough sincerity and support.

[Daniel]

Dewvis,

That's good to hear. I have noted several folks saying this about TTF over the last near 2 years...

And I've heard of the other sites but this is the first one I ever found (or looked for) and it has been a God-send since Day 1.

Daniel

[gnein]

"OK, so I accept that the P performers are sometimes expoited and used, but if I just look at 'free' P off the Internet or pirated P, I'm not really hurting anyone"

Wrong. First off all you're hurting yourself by locking yourself away with P, free or otherwise. Secondly, the 'free' P websites still generate plenty of money for the industry through advertising, and finally, looking at 'free' P is often just a trigger to make you start looking at P you have to pay for.

[curing_mind]

"P satisfies my needs, no girlfriend, no emotions and no problems"
This was my favo say,
"dont waste time on pursueing a relationship, its hard, and too emotional. Just use p, and in rare extreme occasion, buy Sx."

I dispised my GF so much for living with me, and emotionally trapping me. I a realising this now, after reading this tread. What a prick I am. I feel sick in my guts thinking about this now.

[Beanhead]

I know this thread has been around for awhile, but since I'm new and just read it, I want to contribute.

My biggest myth has been: "if it doesn't hurt anyone, then its ok." My own sad experience has taught me that this myth is not true. I've hurt my first wife (we divorced some time ago) and I've terrribly hurt my second wife (she just found out of my p addiction).

Another myth is: "life is really hard and nobody will understand; I just need to feel good and I'll be better." In the end, P will make life harder and hurt more, so why do it?!

Why do we tell ourselves these lies/myths?

I think, in reality, probably the largest myth is that these are not myths at all but "real" reasons to indulge. Then we give ourselves permission to ignore what our hearts/minds tell us.

[stillandagain]

Beanhead's SO here.

A "myth" for us is that I "just found out about his PA."

P has been a part of our four year relationship for all four years.

But NOW is definitely different. I feel it. I believe it. We are in this fight together. No myth there!

So, whats the myth? Dare I call it the myth of self-deception or denial, the ones he named below? (or is this just a redefinition of his understanding of the behavior-turned-addiction?)

[grasshopper]

Some of my porn myths have morphed into recovery myths like:

"I cannot do the work unless I am feeling good."

[paul]

Most addicts (sexual or otherwise) will always say they enjoy life and that others are pure jealous.
If you consider any celeb, rock musician etc who claims this you find a person who lacks personality and has become a SLAVE.
A SLAVE to the point where his selfishness leads him to the next hit whilst everything else revolves around his quest for sensual gratification.
It's a very selfish pursuit that leads NOWHERE, as can be noted from a celeb who is very much in the headlines at the moment.
Does any wasted celeb LOOK happy?
If we eat one piece of candy we get a nice feeling..what when we eat the whole box? By the tenth piece we lose all taste buds and it becomes a bore.
Same with any addiction.Each hit leads one to another because they, who are addicted, are always in the quest for the "ULTIMATE".
But there is NO "ultimate!" That is the biggest myth.
However much sex we get it will NEVER be enough. So WHY become a SLAVE to something that robs you of your identity and valuable time which can be spent with loved ones or the pursuit of REAL treasures?
Indeed it's the ones who quit addiction, whatever the addiction is, who say that they NOW enjoy life better and have found TRUE meaning after being lead as a SLAVE for so long.
You would imagine that if addiction had been so great they would've continued on into total loss of control.
And it IS about loss of control. Control of YOUR life and your quest for true happiness.
No SLAVE can be happy.
Don't let anyone fool you otherwise!

[paul]

The secret life of any addict , whether porn or alcohol or drugs, erodes ones personality and robs you of any JOY of living.
It's born out of FEAR and avoidance of reality.
This is the way it was for me...and i'm being very truthful here.
Admitting it is the 1st big step..covering it ove and making excuses leads to more devestation...especially EMOTIONAL devestation.
The secret life of hiding away, arranging affairs so that ones partner won't know, hiding ones tracks...it all seems at first to be exciting & breaks uop the monotony of life. This is how we fool ourselves.
Far from it..it wears one down. Before long you can't recall WHO YOU WERE before.
When you look in the mirror the reflection is one that you HATE.
Why bother? Why not stop leading a false life..one that is a total LIE? You can fool others but what about when we look in that mirror? We CAN'T fool ourselves!
The moment you are truthful and ask yourself these questions you feel a HUGE burden is lifted.
Sometimes it gives way to floods of tears because it is painful, but beautiful at the same time....but then we have to find our TRUE identity. Our addiction hides this from us.
Don't hide from life in return for just a few moments of useless gratification!