TTF community forums - Stages of recovery in porn addiction

It seems that the Journey to Clean-ness can be divided up into various stages with fuzzy boundaries.

By no means does this mean all experiences can be neatly categorized.

Far from it. For every individual impacted by PA there is a unique mix going into the personal motivation to recover and stay that way. If you want out of PA, like we all do, then you know the reasons.

I think it's fair to say we all can recognize these Stages if we stopped in our marathon and gave it some thought.

And this can be a collaboration, I certainly do not have a corner here. If you think of another stage just put it in the reply and we'll build it up and who knows, put it in a permanent place perhaps.

The main reason I want to get this out there is I see many of our people struggling through these areas and it would be a neat feeling to review the stages and say

"Oh. What I'm experiencing right now is normal for where I'm at... and here's some tips I may be able to use to stay clean as I go throught this stage..."

"pre-STAGE": Relapse

STAGE 1: REALIZATION

P is a destroyer
using P damages me personally in numerous ways
using P can potentially ruin my personal relationships
I want P out of my life and I want help and support

STAGE 2: EUPHORIA

I CAN BE FREE, and it feels great
I have gone ___ days clean and it's unbelievable
I am getting my life back
I can't ever imagine going back to P

STAGE 3: INDECISION

The old urges are back and stronger than ever
If I don't give in I will lose my mind
If I give in the pressure will go away
Maybe I was wrong to think of giving up P forever

STAGE 4: COMBAT

I will identify my triggers and work hard to avoid them
I will work hard to reprogram my thinking away from P and objectifying
I will be accountable to a person or people who care about me and my freedom from P
I will reduce my fight to a minute-by-minute battle for my mind if that is what is required to not fall

STAGE 5: MAINTENANCE

The old urges and compulsions are reduced or gone
The euphoria is gone but I notice I feel much better as a person
I cannot let my guard down and need to have a hyper-sensitivity to ANYTHING that can make me fall
My freedom from P is an integral part of my new life
I have developed and continue in healthy life habits that reinforce my freedom and allow me to enjoy my new life more than I ever thought possible

That'll do for now.

I realize that these 5 stages are solely focused on the P addict.

The SO is not factored in but is an obvious beneficiary if the PA is in Stage 5.

MB is also left out. For some P & MB are tangled up and are treated as one issue. For others P & MB were separate or can be made separate and there is no moral conflict.

If at some point the PA has a relapse, I submit that the process starts over from "pre-Stage" but moves rapidly back to combat then maintenance, skipping the Euphoric Stage 2.

And the time length of any of the stages is highly variable.

For me Stage 1 and pre-Stage was roughly 18 years long. This was the sin-ask-forgiveness-repent-sin-ask-forgiveness-repent cycle ad nauseum ad infinitum.

My Stage 2 lasted about 3 months. It was glorious as I felt completely untouchable by P or any thought of it.

I am currently in a mixture of Stage 5 & 4, more of the former. Sometimes I'm in 4 more if I'm fighting thought-life or trigger issues. Once I have a plan or method, then back to Stage 5 to put it to work!