55 Days

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello TTF family

55 Completed days without what I thought was a friend. PORN

I will tell you that these 55 days without it, even though tough as it was, are the best 55 days I have had in many years. Though I know I do still have a very long hard road ahead of me in my journey, I am so happy that I have come this far. I have close to 30 years of Porn use embedded in my head, my thoughts, and yes my heart also, which I need to get rid of. And it is not easy. So while I am trying to get rid of all the bad I allowed in me, I continue to fight to not allow anymore entering my head. And this is an everyday fight, struggle to do this. I always say to everyone, that this addiction is a ONE DAY AT A TIME FIGHT. But I don’t know if I feel the same about that saying anymore. I say this because I can not win this fight if I go just one day at a time. For me, if I am to win this battle, with my addiction, I need to take a new approach in this, so now I look at it as take it every SECOND OF EVERYDAY TO WIN. Because with this addiction, at any time, any second, any minute of any day, something can be put in front of me to make me fall in my recovery, to set me back, and I never want that to happen. I never want to have that sick, disgusting, crap in my life again. Though I did enjoy at the time looking at it, and with all those faithful years I had with it in my life, all the good times I thought we had together, I found out that it wasn’t really a true friend to me. It stabbed me in the back. To me a friend is one that will never do anything to hurt me, and this so called friend did just that, so I want nothing else to do with him, he is out of my life. I now Hate my old friend.

I hate him because; with all my years of feeling good with him…He destroyed me
He took away so much from me. He took away so many years, wasted years that I could have devoted to something better. He took away the wonderful trust that everyman should have with there Wife, SO.

He took away (MY), LOVE, FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, KINDNESS, EMOTHIONS, TIME, TOUCHES, TRUE KISSES, COMMUCATION, TOOK EVERYTHING, AWAY, that should have been doing with my Beautiful SO.

It is going to take even MORE years to really repay my SO, for all the HARM, HURT, FEELINGS, and UNWORTHYNESS, which I have put here through in the last couple of months. But because of the Love that I have for my BEAUTIFUL Lady, I will somehow make up for what I have done. She is worth everything I need to do to clean up my life.

I have always said that I would die for her; I would jump in front of a bullet just so she can live, But I AM THE ONE THAT KILLED HER. I want her to feel alive again, to see her feel good about herself once again. So my life long goal is to make here feel like she is a woman again

So I guess what I have done to see that my goal is met, So I can continue on this road to my recovery, I got rid of my old so called friend, and replaced it with many new friends, and they are all right here with me, every day.

And they are all right here at TTF

I thank everyone of one of my news friends, for the LOVE, SUPPORT, and ENCOURGEMENT, that all of you have shown me

GOD Bless You All

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Your always in my prayers, my Brother. May God bless you in all you do in HIS name.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Thank You my friend, as you are in mine