1 week!

[jrock123]

a superb first week - eliminated 18 hours of possible porn time by going to bed earlier and at the same time as my wife. logged into TTF a couple times per day. celebrated the week by making love to my wife.\:D/

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

jrock-

Congrats on the first week.
Now that you are no linger in denial and actively seeking to quit this addiction, does it seem different to you when you make love to your wife? I know its a personal question, sorry. I am an SO, and its hard making love to my husband because I wonder how much he's making love to me, and how much is he just screwing some image in his head. So, I just want to know if its different for you. Maybe you still have images, but you push them aside to wholly concentrate on her? Thank you.

[jrock123]

interesting question..... yes it felt different. I could tell my wife seemed much more turned on than normal. I really only had a strayed thought for 2 seconds and was able to quickly dismiss it. I was also able to orgasm which has been hit or miss as of late. I felt in love as we were in the act. We've been married for 23 years and have literally had gaps in making love of up to 18-24 months a few times. We recently reconnected (4 months ago) and have tried to have a sex life again but because I was always tired and masturbating with porn I couldn't stay erect and hardly ever had an orgasm which was making my wife feel inadequate. I am optimistic going forward as it felt more pure and real. My wife is a great partner and a great Mom and I really owe her undivided attention.

[ConfusedKate]

jrock,

Thanks for that insight into "getting back to the real thing". That is something that I worry over and wonder about also. Is he with me or an image he stored in his mind? We have had long dry spells also but no more than 6 months...then after it is done we wait another 6 months...or well I wait until I am needed is more accurate I guess. It really hurts to wonder if your the one he is with but I guess there's nothing to be done about that except asking and then there goes another fight....

CONGRATS on your first week!!!!!!!!!!\:D/Stay stong.

Kate

[artguy34]

Congrats jrock... If you are feeling this good about your relationship after one week, keep up the good work and see what continues to happen after a month or two?

It is important to note that giving up P & MB allows us to focus on our SO's needs instead of our own. Making love is something we should "share" with our spouses, not something "we do to" our spouses. That is the biggest difference.

Also, the physical desensitization of our intimate area while engrossed in P and MB make it harder for us to make love when we are with our SO's. Like jrock, I too had a harder time making love with my wife because I was used to the chronic MB. Now when we are intimate together, we both focus on each other and all the lost sensation I have regained makes it a much more rewarding experience for both of us, not only physically, but mentally as well.

As for the doubts the SO's have about intimacy, I can totally understand your fears and rightfully so. However, if your PA's are on the path to recovery, and you are at the point where you can be intimate again, you will know the difference in the mannerisms and the intimate emotional bonding that takes place. Your spouse will be more attentive to your needs, your feelings and give more into the lovemaking than just the act itself. It is the sharing of the experience that takes over, and when that happens, we as the PA's do not need "images" or anything to fuel our arousal. The love we feel for our SO's and the emotional connection we share along with becoming one with our bodies are more than enough.

So to answer the question... for me, the images were gone a long time ago. So as I reflect on my 79th day of sobriety from P and MB, the image that I enjoy most now-a-days is the smile on my wifes face when we snuggle together.

I hope this helps a little?

[jrock123]

ConfusedKate - thanks so much for your note. It helps me appreciate the other perspective. I am only at 9 days so I certainly can't claim victory, but I can share what went through my mind before the 9 days. I had either self-disclosed or did something suspicious (like close a laptop fast or make a quick movement to switch screens) at least 3 times in the last 8 years to avoid getting caught by my wife. Each time I promised it was the end only to return to porn a few weeks later. This is really the first time in my life I decided on my own to make a change, log on to this website and start going to bed earlier. I feel confident that my wife has doubts about me so I haven't said anything about my current plan to eliminate porn from my life. I can say that although my wife fully admitted to losing her sex drive a few years ago, that became my first excuse as to why I spent time on porn. then I decided I had a problem where I was oversexed and she couldn't possible meet my needs. then I decided porn was harmless, and that love and sex could easily be separated. my rationalization about our lack of sex was simply that we were good friends and liked being with each other and what was wrong with sex not being included. in conversations with my wife on the topic about 9-12 months ago, my wife said she felt I was cheating on her, and that she was not interested in making love with me due to the "dirtiness" of my habit. She has stated that she simply cannot understand this habit but she finds it despicable. I am not ready to tell her I have tried more seriously to quit this time for great fear that she will realize I had never quit before. she can't look at this as addiction like alcoholism or smoking or eating because its significantly more personal (which I do understand). I guess my only advice to you would be to focus on the impacts to you and not focus so much on making demands or requesting changes to your husband. He does have to discover on his own that this is a problem. when my wife lectured me in the past, it made me angry. If there is any way to look at this like it was alcohol and that you need to help and support him, it may make it easier on you as well. none of his choices are about you. they impact you, but he is not making a choice based on you and is likely seeing porn and you as mutually exclusive. I think if you tell him how you feel, make surprise appearances at the most likely times, let him know you feel cheated on and again focus on the impacts on you, it would be a good start. if he loves you, he can't get defensive if that all you talk about it how this whole thing makes you feel. sorry if I rambled. still a bit sleepy.

[jrock123]

ArtGuy34 - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I don't think you could have said it any better. What you express is exactly my desired state. I got a taste of these feelings about my wife after a week of no P/MB so I want more of it!!!

[bighou]

Congrats jrock... If you are feeling this good about your relationship after one week, keep up the good work and see what continues to happen after a month or two?

It is important to note that giving up P & MB allows us to focus on our SO's needs instead of our own. Making love is something we should "share" with our spouses, not something "we do to" our spouses. That is the biggest difference.

Also, the physical desensitization of our intimate area while engrossed in P and MB make it harder for us to make love when we are with our SO's. Like jrock, I too had a harder time making love with my wife because I was used to the chronic MB. Now when we are intimate together, we both focus on each other and all the lost sensation I have regained makes it a much more rewarding experience for both of us, not only physically, but mentally as well.

As for the doubts the SO's have about intimacy, I can totally understand your fears and rightfully so. However, if your PA's are on the path to recovery, and you are at the point where you can be intimate again, you will know the difference in the mannerisms and the intimate emotional bonding that takes place. Your spouse will be more attentive to your needs, your feelings and give more into the lovemaking than just the act itself. It is the sharing of the experience that takes over, and when that happens, we as the PA's do not need "images" or anything to fuel our arousal. The love we feel for our SO's and the emotional connection we share along with becoming one with our bodies are more than enough.

So to answer the question... for me, the images were gone a long time ago. So as I reflect on my 79th day of sobriety from P and MB, the image that I enjoy most now-a-days is the smile on my wifes face when we snuggle together.

I hope this helps a little?

Everything you said is SOOOO TRUE!!!! I was sober for a full week and experienced everything you said. Unfortunately, I went back to my ways for a few days but now that I know that this is true and it works, I plan on staying on the right path for a longtime again. Thank you for speaking the truth and not sugar coating anything.

[Steelerfan27]

I can totally identify with your situation. I'm married and I think I've gone through most of what you describe. That being said, I know how great it would feel to see improvement, even a week or so is a huge feeling of accomplishment. Being successful for a week or so builds your confidence and lets you know that it's not hopeless and that you do have the ability to stop. I'm happy for your streak and hope that it keeps going!