[Vilema]

I feel I should mention that my exhusband went to great lengths to contact me several years ago (which was a number of years after our divorce). He was desperate to apologize to me for his behavior, for the hurt he caused and for divorcing me. We talked for a number of months about what went wrong between us, how we hurt each other and how we were sad that we'd been through so much pain.

We forgave each other. That was one of the single most freeing experiences of my life. But, as pain often does, it rears its ugly head and still affects me. I only recently came to realize the reasons I've been hiding behind my weight and even though my exhusband sought my forgiveness and even though I accepted his apology, those issues still remain.

I have gone to counseling, I have worked on rebuilding and I believe that my choice to sign on at TTF will enable me to finally put all the issues I have with P, my exhusband and my overeating to rest. It's going to be a bit of a roller coaster from time to time but the simple act of publicly (though anonymously) acknowledging my issues has done wonders for my soul.

No. I am not perfect. No. I am not airbrushed. No. I am not a hottie boom bottie (like I was at age 18), but I'm still a knockout in my own right, extra soft in the middle perhaps, but pretty darn cute and I like myself. So, I've gotta figure that counts for something and it certainly helps me to drive forward with my wellness goals that include kicking my pa, overeating and overspending issues. I'm on my way. I fully expect it to be a wild ride but then, if it was easy, I don't think it'd be worth doing.

I guess what this post boils down to is that forgiveness is key. Forgiving those that have hurt us and forgiving ourselves for our occassional ineptidute. I'm learning to forgive myself for being less than a perfect, airbrushed carbon copy and I have to say, I'm liking the results.

Next on the forgiveness list are the p corporations, actors, actresses and distributors. That will be a little bit tougher but I have to believe they are lonely and unhappy and longing for a better life too.