[illumination]

ATLF, you write very vividly about what you are feeling. You have already accomplished the most important step - you have shifted your intention and you are absolutely clear in your mind that you want to stop. You know exactly why you want to stop. From now on it's a case of finding psychological strategies to hold you away from porn until the behavioural habits start to weaken. There's loads of support here for that. The more you think about how to overcome the addiction, the more you are focussing your mind on the positive outcome.

I also found it helpful to read feminist anti-porn literature like Andrea Dworkin. That gave me an extra reason to stay clean, because of the porn industry's effects on others, as well as the disastrous effects it has on me. I realised it was making me into a sexist.

The posters who said not to feel guilty about your thoughts and dreams are totally right. Especially dreams. In my experience, when dreaming one is not identified with oneself so whatever happens in dreams does not weaken the will power. And don't feel guilty about feeling guilty either!

I wish you luck. I am 32, was addicted for more than half my life, and I have been clean since the first time I looked at this site. You may be counting days now but I promise if you stay alert and determined and use some good strategies you will soon be counting weeks and months.