I agree with the other posts here. I'd also like to suggest that you may understand your wife's feelings more if you read some of the posts and articles in the partners section of this site. Without knowing her, it's difficult for me to accurately respond to the concerns you posted here. But, as a woman that was married to a pa, I can share what his addiction did to me and my self esteem. So, in the "for what it's worth" category, you're welcome to read my initial post to this site as it may shed some light on your current situation.
Out from the shadows...