I posted in the new member section several weeks ago (
Out from the shadows...). Thank you to FM and ShowMeLove for your replies. I found them both insightful and encouraging. At the time, it was a tremendous help simply to get all that business about my exhusband off my chest. I wasn't tempted to view p for some time. And, since I'm a woman, I noticed that one of my triggers is definately related to my monthly cycle (so sorry for the TMI). So, I honestly thought that several hours of reading on this site and one post in the New Members section would be enough to release me from p's grip.
Silly Vilema!
Tonight I caved. I've been thinking about what might trigger the temptation in me to watch p. I suspect it will take some more time to sort it all out but will list my known triggers later in this post.
In recent months, I've had it with myself. I got so tired of carrying around my extra baggage and not just in my midsection either! I've been making excuses (typical of an adict) and faulting others (also typical of an adict) and generally living in denial (more typical adict behavior) about my adictions. So, once and for all, I'm drawing a line in the sand tonight.
I, Vilema, hereby declare to be addicted to the following:
1. Porn
2. Overeating
3. Shopping
4. Internet
I know Through the Flame is for people affected by p but all of my addictions are, I believe, related (or at least share the same triggers). So, it will be beneficial to me if I journal about my progress for all of them.
My reasons for obtaining victory over these addictions are:
1. I want to control my own destiny. I do not want these things to control me.
2. I am a gifted, intelligent, valuable woman and there is no reason for me to hide behind these addictions anymore.
3. I do not want to have anymore regrets.
4. I want to be financially responsible.
My known triggers for engaging in these addictions are:
1. Loneliness
2. Monthly cycle
3. ADHD - causes me to have poor impulse control.
4. Interactions with attractive men (and/or hearing my friends talk about their relationships)
I'm working on a plan of action to prevent or at least reduce the number of triggers I face on a daily basis. My temporary plan of action is:
1. Read and post daily on Through the Flame
2. Reach out to the friends I have and work to let them in emotionally
3. Make sure my ADHD prescription is always filled (been without my medication for two weeks now - MAJOR difference in me when I don't take it)
4. Started volunteering at the local animal shelter. Will make the effort to get more involved with their programs.
5. Have an adequately stocked kitchen. This will (hopefully) prevent the temptation to eat things I shouldn't just 'cause it's quick and easy.
6. Continue following the wellness program I started last month (so far I've lost nearly 14 inches and 8 pounds - hooray me!)
7. Bite the bullet, sit down and really come to terms with my fianances.
8. Ride my bike when it's nice outside - good excersize and gets me out of the house.
Wow. It really feels good to write all that down. Step 1 - admit to having a problem. Now that I've admitted to it, the real work begins...