Quote:
Originally Posted by TakingMeBack  Confidence the most attractive trait a person can embody. It reveals an inner strength, affirms a belief in one's self, and portrays security. "In the evolutionary model, both shame and guilt increase fitness by helping people to operate in groups. For mammals, which invest heavily in rearing their young over a protracted period, group living is almost essential."(Wright, 46)
Because we must fit into a group it is important to be aware of the messages that we send out against our best intentions. Body language will display the most insignificant thought that passes across the mind. Controlling the way that you think about yourself is the first step in portraying confidence.
"Shame evolved at a more primitive stage in an unstable and threatening environment, and is part of a 'self preservative' or 'threat-defense' system." Shame allows us to monitor how well we received by means of "social ranking behaviors" universally acknowledged by members of a group. "Shame is a self-focused fear of negative evaluation by others. It is characterized by defensiveness, avoidance, powerlessness and secrecy." (Wright, 46-47) Because we are afraid that others will see us for our past transgressions, pornography addicts will shy aware from people whom we see as threatening the security of our secret self. We cripple ourselves in a cycle of rejection reinforced by the root of that initial lack of confidence- corrosive pornography.
Believe that statement before you say hello. Talk to her like she's a blood relative. The more real conversations you can have with people, the more confident you will feel about the way that people receive you. It's circular logic, but if you haven't noticed we all live on a spinning sphere, in a ring of rocks, in a spiral of stars.
References:
Wright, Katherine. "Is guilt getting off the Hook? Using REBT to develop new models of shame and guilt indicates that guilt may be more pathogenic than research suggests. The Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapist Vol 12 No 1 (2007) |
Wow Takingmeback, your post really hit the bullseye for me. Of late I've realised that when I tried to talk to anyone who was not a close friend or relative, I felt very ucomfortable. When I talked to a girl, I was focusing on her body rather than what she was saying. I did not mean any of the statments I said to her. I was not teating her like a person. In short, I found myself unable to hold real conversations with real people.
And the worst part was I did not even know WHY all this was happening to me. Why was I so shot of self confidence? WHY was I so insecure? WHY did I not dare to even take a glance into the eyes of a stranger? And finally I realised while. Its P and MB. I used to be confused on whether MB was bad or not. Now I got my answer. It is, at least for a PA.
In order to MB, you have to recall images from the past, and lust after those people(or are they really people anymore?) Isn't that what we do when we use P? And how can you relate to people when you are constantly "collecting" images about them from your day to day life and then fantasizing about it?
Won't all that hurt your conscious, that little voice inside your head that instinctively knows right from wrong? And a part of being self confident comes from approving your own actions and being comfortable with them, regardless of what others might think. How can you be self confident when you lost all sense of right and wrong?
Sorry for the wall of text. Tihs has been a very important insight for me, and I thank anyone who actually read all this way.