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Originally Posted by showmelove  What would you say would be the best way to gain back the confidence that's been lost by using P other than the obvious avoidance of it? |
Confidence the most attractive trait a person can embody. It reveals an inner strength, affirms a belief in one's self, and portrays security. "In the evolutionary model, both shame and guilt increase fitness by helping people to operate in groups. For mammals, which invest heavily in rearing their young over a protracted period, group living is almost essential."(Wright, 46)
Because we must fit into a group it is important to be aware of the messages that we send out against our best intentions. Body language will display the most insignificant thought that passes across the mind. Controlling the way that you think about yourself is the first step in portraying confidence.
"Shame evolved at a more primitive stage in an unstable and threatening environment, and is part of a 'self preservative' or 'threat-defense' system." Shame allows us to monitor how well we received by means of "social ranking behaviors" universally acknowledged by members of a group. "Shame is a self-focused fear of negative evaluation by others. It is characterized by defensiveness, avoidance, powerlessness and secrecy." (Wright, 46-47) Because we are afraid that others will see us for our past transgressions, pornography addicts will shy aware from people whom we see as threatening the security of our secret self. We cripple ourselves in a cycle of rejection reinforced by the root of that initial lack of confidence- corrosive pornography.
Meditation is a wonderful starting place. If you can dedicate twenty minutes before you go to bed and twenty minutes when you wake up in the morning to relaxation and breathing techniques--geared towards clearing you mind of any thought other than your breath--then you will eventually can control over your mind when you are in the world.
Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. The endorphenes released from exhausting your body with a solid run or other cardiovascular activity will help you to clear your mind. Running is like shaking the etch-a-sketch, you forget any temporary ailments and can focus on moving forward.
Strike up a conversation with a stranger. Talk to the neighborhood barrista. Be sure to put sex out of the picture. You are not going to sleep with this girl. Believe that statement before you say hello. Talk to her like she's a blood relative. The more real conversations you can have with people, the more confident you will feel about the way that people receive you. It's circular logic, but if you haven't noticed we all live on a spinning sphere, in a ring of rocks, in a spiral of stars.
References:
Wright, Katherine. "Is guilt getting off the Hook? Using REBT to develop new models of shame and guilt indicates that guilt may be more pathogenic than research suggests.
The Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapist Vol 12 No 1 (2007)