Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane  I have been doing a terrible job. I have looked at p once everyday. And I'm frustrated, because I want so badly to not have this desire, but I do. But I guess we have to take what we get. And I know that I have been doing better that I have in the past. To follow up my recent post, my bf and I had sex. And we didn't stop. But when he left for work, I looked at p. Sex for us isn't about both of us coming, it is just for him. I just sit there and cry when he leaves. I am in love with this perfect man, and yet I am ruining it with sex and my sick desires.
I know that I can't be with him. I know that he is the reason of my addiction. But he is the only man that has ever loved me. And he takes away so much of my pain from my childhood. But he brings this p and mb person in me. I know I can't sacrifice myself for him to love me. I know that it is time for me to quit this. And I also know that I can't with him in my life. How do I quit him?
Jane |
Thanks for sharing this openly here. I have been with other women only because they "fixed" my feelings of low-self-esteem at the moment. When the moment was over, I was torn apart and became horribly insecure and acted out with drinking, other addictive substances including 30+ years of P - all covering up the deeper issues of codependency.
I still have to attend my primary 12-step groups for my main problems with alcohol and P, but I have been in CoDA for over 9 months now.
My life is RADICALLY altered to the point where I can truly see my issues.
If you want to know more about CoDA, please PM me or visit the site, coda.org.
I cried openly when I read the Patterns of Co-Dependence.
PAAnon