|  First Post -
11-08-2007, 02:53 AM
This is my first time posting here. I need some serious help. I've known that I've been addicted to pornography for a long time, and i've wanted to stop for just as long, but, as you all know, that isn't easy.
My big problem is that I keep getting worse. Somehow - and it kills me to even think about this - I came across a 'teen modeling' site earlier this year. There are lots of these sites, and all of the girls are all under age; some aren't even adolecent. Eventually these led to nude sites with girls of the same age. Every once in a while a real child pornography picture would show up. I would completly shocked and disgusted. Eventually I could look at those pictures and not be shocked. Every once in a while I would enjoy them; I would look for them sometimes.
This kills me.
I am passionitly against child molestation and pornography. More passionit than most things, but the addiction is stronger than I am. In this board I've read a lot of you talking about 'the hunt' being the big thrill, and that's exactly it. I don't care about the pictures. It's the thrill of finding them. The pictures even make me mad. I hate seeing that. Those are pictures of children getting their lives ruined and I'll just passively look through them.
I'm young, only 22, and I've been married for a year and a half. I've read what you all have said about this addiction tending to come with being smart, and I agree. My life is just beginning and it's moving along fast. If I don't get this stupid addiction under control, it's going to destroy me. The thought of getting in trouble with the law over this is unbearable. My entire life would gone. I would have to start over already.
Is anybody else out there having this problem. Even a little. I would really love to keep eachother accountable. even if I'm the only one, I would really (more than I could say) appreciate someone to keep me accountable. I'll be checking this post for any responses.
Thank you for listening. I can't tell you how great it feels to finally say that; Even if I'm only writing it. |