60 Seconds With JenMac

[Crisodian]

January 2011

Many thanks to JenMac for letting me interview her this month for 60 seconds!

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C - It had been a month since the discovery of being married to a PA when you joined TTF. How did you discover Mac’s PA and what were those first 30 days like, before TTF?

JM - I went onto his computer to print something off and when I started to type into it, names of sites popped up. Pretty hard to dispute when we are the only ones living here. Even though in the beginning he downplayed a lot of this, he almost immediately shared his struggles with being able to step away from it on his own, I think he shared that the first night.

The first 30 days were very traumatic, lots of turmoil, feeling so alone, physically sick from the stress and shock of it all. I wasn’t sure our marriage would survive this and I told mac so the morning after I discovered it. Very tired, very low energy, could think of nothing else.

C - When you first came to TTF, you were struggling to understand how much you needed to know about Mac’s addiction and the depth of it. What helped you decide, ultimately, how much you needed to know?

JM - I still struggle with that at times. I was warned early on to be careful with the details and so I was. Something Mac’s counselor said, ‘Can’t she just accept that it’s all bad?’ made sense to me. Oh I know enough of what he was doing, where he had gone to and I did investigate some of the sites and I knew from my physical reactions that it was not healthy for me to be there. I started trusting my gut to tell me when and if I need to know more. I still do that today.

C - Your recovery and healing are going very strong. What have been the keys to helping you move forward and heal from the devastation?

JM - Of course, setting my boundaries and no more P.
But aside from that, going easy on myself, not expecting too much of myself, giving myself time to grieve and heal. Working together at it, consistently, steadily. Journalling, getting my thoughts out. Gratitude for all I have in my life, that is huge for me. And of course, goes without saying TTF. HUGE for me!! Reaching out to others has been so therapeutic for me, really helps me to heal, to feel stronger myself.

C - If you could pick one inspirational story from the SO members of TTF, whose would it be and why?

JM - All of the SOs are inspirational to me, hard to pick just one as many mirror my own story, Hopeful, Needhope (NewHope10). But early on I would say Maggie told me not to get mired in the bitterness. I have never forgotten that, made me determined not to do that whether my marriage survived or not. And you Cris, seemed to speak directly to ME when you spoke about letting go. Those 2 things set me on the right path I feel.

C - Today. Right now. At this moment. What do you think your strongest area of healing is and what do you think you still need to work on?

JM - Communication is my strongest. I always try to speak up for what I need. I always try to speak kindly and directly about my thoughts and feelings. Keeping a balance as to when I need to deal with this and when I need to step away from it for a while.
Letting go, while I don’t feel it is a weakness all of the time, I do feel I need to continue to work on letting go. It is something that I find necessary to work on in all areas of my life.

C - If you could do anything over again, related to recovery as an SO, what would it be?

JM - Nothing. In the beginning I prayed for strength and guidance. I feel very much like I received both of those things. I feel very confident that I have done everything in my power for myself and to support Mac to the best of my ability.

C - You and Mac are an awesome team, friends and couple. Will you share with the members what helped you both get there?

JM - Thank you! Communication first and foremost!!! Respecting each other, being open and honest and just generally caring for each other despite all of the turmoil and hurt. Stepping outside of our own hurt to have concern for the other. I knew I wanted the best for mac whether we were together or not.
TTF has been such a lifeline for us, it has given us such awesome support through all of this. I don’t know where we would be without it.

C - Looking to the future, if you had one wish for all the TTF members, what would it be?

JM - To continue learning and healing from this crisis in our lives and to carry on this path to being the best we can be! That this crisis makes us all stronger and better equipped to be the person and partner we deserve to be. And that collectively we can help inspire others as they come along!
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Thank you once again Jen, for your time, patience and above all else the care and dedication you show to all the members of TTF!

Peace,
~C~

[Mac]

Cris and Jenn
Thanks for this little interveiw. I lived this and reading it all here just made think about the path to get to where we are today.
The respect that I have received from Jenn through all of this is what makes me want to be a better person everyday.
I really enjoyed this. Jenn you are the very best.
By the way Cris, AG's relapse is not an option was something I grabbed onto and held so tight to very early on and still do to this day.

Thanks again to you both
Mac

[FoolishMind]

I loved that interview, Jenmac and Mac really are the example many couples should follow.
Thank you for so openly sharing.
FM