60 Seconds with FoolishMind

[Admin2]

This is the First 60 Seconds Interview - for more information about 60 Seconds please see this post.

A2 - Hello FM, thank you for taking the time for this interview, as well as being brave to be the first one.

FM - No Problem, although your making me a little nervous now

A2 - (laughs) no nothing to be nervous about, but I will be asking some quite direct questions, ready then?

FM - Okay, lets do this!

A2 - FM, looking through your Journal, I can see you have been P free for well over 2 years now. V. Impressive, but how do I know your not actually still viewing P, and just not telling anyone your slipping up?

FM - WOW....erm....Well in truth you dont know, and you wont know. I document my progress on this site, but its not for them, its for me. If that documenting helps others then great, but Ive been honest from day one, and its the lies that got me into trouble and ultimatley made me a PA. So no..you dont know, but I take comfort in my own mind, and thats all I need.

FM - I cant beleive you just come out with a question like that

A2 - Sorry, I did warn you

FM- ok keep em coming

A2 - Again reading through your journal, Your partner..Inshi..., it was actually her that made you come to TTF wasnt it, you didnt join of your own accord did you?

FM - Well, Yes Inshi wrote in her email to me, that she took advice from members on this site, and perhaps I could have a look and see. I viewed the site as a guest, and it broke my heart to read my wife pouring her heart out to strangers, and at the same time, I felt a HUGE weight of my shoulders to find out there were other guys who had the same problem as me. So Yes Inshi pointed me to TTF, But I joined of by myself, as it was after reading that, I knew I had to man up, and take this on head first.

A2 - Can you single out a member that has inspired you the most, and explain why?

FM - mmmm....I can say 3 for sure...

A2 - Sorry only one FM, and were pressing for time

FM - aaagh....oh ....Ok...Dominus

A2 - Why?

FM - Primarily for the reason, I was a broken man when I first joined her, and Dominus had a really calming aura about him, he really helped me put things into perspective, he was a person I could approach for any snippets of advice, I could also relate to him on many aspects with regards to wife and children. He inspired me to change my ways.

A2 - Thanks FM...

A2 - There have been a few occasions where you have started or got involved in some heated debates, and sometimes you are potentially not the most sensitive person, when it comes to giving advice, why do you think that is?

FM - OMG...you are being so mean

A2 - I dont think so...

FM - Ok, erm I see it like this... If this site was called Hover around the Flame, then I would be very much "hey buddy how are you, aaah dont worry, have a pat on the back, buddy ol chum ol pal!"

FM - This is site is called "Through the Flame" Its about tackling problems head on and getting past our problems. I appreciate we are all different, but no matter what our characteristics are, getting down to the brunt of the issue is key. If I want to help someone, it will be straight to the point so the message is not diluted. If I wanted to just have a bunch of friends, well there are hundreds of sites for that, I am here for a purpose, and a very serious reason, it is that reason, I am the way I am on this site. Fact of life is, not everyone likes everyone, some people just rub people up the wrong way. Personally, I know the members on this site who respect me, and who help me, as do the members know who I respect and I help. And anyone who knows me on TTF, would know I was being insincere if I they asked for advise and I was all "cheer up chuck, all is well, dont beat yourself up about it etc etc"

A2 - So your not sensitive then?

FM - I am sensitive when sensitivity is needed. I am abrubt, harsh or factual when that is needed.

A2 - Ok last question..

FM - phew

A2 - I read a post you wrote once, and you said if you didnt have an internet filter and you were alone, you would probably slip up. Saying that, means your not really cured are you?

FM - Im being honest A2. And I dont think i have a disease that needs curing, I have an issue/addiction that needs controlling. My office computer does not have a filter anymore, but I am in an open office, so I havent slipped, But, temptation is at my door every single damn day! and I hate it. So ..whats your question..i dont understand...

A2 - Your not really cured are you, your not P free?

FM - A2 - I can catagorically say I am P free. I dont know about cured.I dont expect to be cured quite honestly. I still get thoughts, I still get tempted, I still label myself as a PA yes. But what is more important to me is I am P free, and I am in control of my life, I love the new me, I love my family, and my family love me.

FM -I think thats a silly questions really

A2 - Well it was your last question. Thank you so much, hope you didnt get offended

FM - I have to admit, got a little hot and bothered!

A2 - Thanks you again for your time and openeness for the interview FM. Take care

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

This is a great idea. Foolishmind is not sensitive all the time and that's the great thing about TTF. There are the unconditional back patters, and then there are the tough love butt kickers, and each has their place. Foolishmind is not the guy to cheer someone on after their 15th relapse and tell them they are doing ok. THe truth is the truth and sometimes people need to hear things even if they don't like it. I hope that doesn't sound mean! But hey, people tell me often enough when I am getting a little crazy with the SO side of healing and I might not like some kicks in the butt, but I might need them sometimes.

Thanks Foolishmind for your journey... and the honesty.

[FoolishMind]

Aaah Shucks WONLM I am truly flattered (sensitive bit)

Thanks (straight to the point bit)

FM

[Daniel]

...then there are the tough love butt kickers...

Why didn't I think of TLBK for FM before this!?

Excellent WofNLM!

[megafauna]

Wait what's the thing where the interviewer is talking about being cured?

Have to get to the bottom of this sentiment...