[devotedtomyman]

Glass of Water,
Be angry...Sometimes that makes me feel a little bit better because when I feel angry I don't feel as vulnerable. It helps me protect myself a little bit. I'm so sorry about your situation. I think most of us can relate to your post quite well, because to some extent we've all had those bitter feelings towards the guy that is supposed to protect us and care for us and show us respect. Yet time and time again they choose to return to the addiction regardless of how it makes us feel. I guess that's part of the problem...I hate the way I feel about ME after finding out stuff about my guy's PA. I always feel ugly, disrespected, unattractive and just not quite good enough. I hate how my day is automatically ruined when I find out he's made bad decisions that day. I don't like the feeling of being on edge all the time and wondering "how is this day going to end." I almost feel like his PA has control over me too because it determines my attitude towards myself and how I feel about me. I think the anger stays a long, long time. Some days I'm not angry at all, but other days I still am-a lot.

Something I've tried to start doing is thinking positive thoughts about myself throughout my day. Very often I get negative feelings about myself or my relationship and its constantly bringing me down. So I attempt to push out that negative thought and replace it with something positive about myself. Sometimes the thoughts are as simple as "I did a really good job at work today" or "I luv these shoes that I'm wearing today." I find that these positive thoughts help me push out some of that negativity that I'm feeling and it lets me focus on something that I like about myself. Some days its very hard to do, but I have to say that I'm sick and tired of letting someone else's addiction get me down day after day, month after month. So while I can't do anything to change his behavior or decisions, I can choose to be kind to myself and think better things about ME...Because I'm worth it and so are YOU.

Keeping you in my thoughts,

Devoted