[FoolishMind]

Hi Vilema,

Thank you for sharing that post with us, and of course welcome to the site.

It sounds like your ex husband has really impacted your life and really had an affect on you emotionally and physically through his use of P. I truly am sorry, as reading your post, I really feel your hurt. I am also quite in shock that you were previously and to some level still disgusted with P and all that it stands for yet, It has some how managed to dig its claws into you, and sowed some sort of seed of addiction in you. This really does shock me, and Im sure shocks you when you think about how you were when you were previously married to how you are now.

Easier said than done I know, But I believe it really is time to close the chapter on your ex husband, and the hurt he has caused you. As you say you are hiding behind this facade now, and it is not healthy. You are more than capable of having loving relationships, if you have confidence in yourself.

So right now, its about focusing on yourself, Lets not think or dwell on why you are viewing P, and what drew you to it.

You as a woman now, Need to learn to be clear on what your objectives are starting with the primary objective which is respecting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. I am not going to touch on the topic of weight, If you are not happy with your weight, you know what you need to do combat that if you so wish.

Now..P...watching it frequently and MBing to it, Is unhealthy. It is unhealthy because it clouds your mind with crap, and takes you away from reality. This means you will lose social skills, Intimacy and your power in relationships.

To rid yourself from the P world, you need to cut it out completely. To change your routines and habits, can be hard, which is why you must be explicitly clear in why you want to do this, and then note down clear ways of countering any temptations and triggers that you now will occur.

Once you are clear on this, Naturally support is paramount, and you can get a wealth of that from TTF.

I would encourage you to start a journal in the Journal section of the forums, and make your initial post a clear message primarily for yourself as to why you want to rid yourself from this addiction and it would be great if you could share your mission plan / strategy.

I applaud your courage to openly share this and post on TTF. Thank You, and I sincerely look forward to following your journey and actively helping as many of the members will also do.

Wish you the best of strength.

FM