[dave]

In the first few weeks I was in torment with the shame over my P and M problem. After 50 days clean I am coming to respect myself a little. But I still struggle with this "addiction is a disease thing".

But here is the thing. How does a partner come to terms with this. My wife is standing by me but she is quite uneasy talking about my recovery with me. She doesn't want to hear any details. She is a self conscious person who always looks her best (which I appreciate) but who never lets her guard down. She hasn't said as much but I sense that she is ashamed of my problem. Now I find myself reacting to her shame about me with more shame about myself. A dog chasing tail ??? Is this just the price of my recovery or am I missing something?

Incidentally I am aged 56 and my P problem was quite contained - relatively little escalation in content, time or costs to employment, finances..... It never interfered with our sex life in terms of my interest in her sexually.
I don't mean to say that I am any better or worse than other's problem - just that my daily P and M use stayed within a more limited range than some others on this site. - just a long tern nasty compulsion that I or she can't live with any more.

A wandering post here but basically - any pointer to help us out?