[Farmer]

I have been clean, no P or M for 40+ days. I have written a celibacy contract that originally was for no MB for 30 days. I changed it to 60 days because I felt I wasn’t ready yet and if I MB’d even once I would likely be back to P. I was routinely MB’ing with P everyday and 2 or 3 times a month I would binge on MB and P for 4 or 5 hours at a time. I’ll evaluate where I am at 60 days and I am willing to extend no MB to 90 days if I feel that it would be beneficial.

By being celibate I have been rewarded with clearer thinking and I have been able to deal with my triggers very well. But by being celibate, I have created new triggers like the TV-Guide or lingerie commercials and I do struggle still overall. Or maybe being P free is creating the new triggers.

I have failed 4 previous times to quit MB and P and each failure, I believe, was because I allowed an occasional MB.

I believe each addict needs to make their own choice and my choice for me is MB will be okay for me. I’ll know that I am ready when I can become aroused without much physical stimulation and no P and no fantasy.