[Avegan]

Last one!

If only i could sleep.

I lay awake a night again,
Darkness in my heart,
Wondering how to stop the pain,
Wanting a fresh start.

But a fresh start will never come,
The scars are far too deep,
My mind is feeling dull and numb,
If only I could sleep.

Sleep would take me away from this,
Into another place,
One where happiness exists,
And I’ll never be replaced.

I’d walk among the flowers,
And gaze up at the sky,
Then I’d lie for hours,
And watch the birds go by.

The sun would shine upon me,
The breeze would move my hair,
I’d rest myself down by a tree,
And take in the fresh air.

I’d watch white horses run and play,
And the butterflies that dance,
I’d watch the reeds gently sway,
And be sent into a trance.

Then I’d walk down cobbled streets,
Smiling at people I pass,
Seeing children eating sweets,
As they skip back to class.

Then I’d look up into the sun,
And everything turns grey,
I try so hard to run,
I wish that I could stay.

My mind flicks back to reality,
As I realise the painful truth,
That the dreams that I see,
Was how I was in youth.

And when I was young I dreamed of love,
But now it’s ruined my life,
If only I could be free of,
The anger, pain and strife.

I am in a lonely place now,
All because of porn,
And that my mind won’t allow,
Myself to be reborn.

I’m only in this hard position,
Because I’ve loved so much,
And now I have this condition,
My heart is in a crutch.

If people say it’s harmless,
Then why am I like this,
They’ve never felt my stress,
All they know is bliss.

They say it doesn’t hurt anyone,
Well why am I in pain,
All they’ve felt is warming sun,
And not the cold bitter rain.

The cold, dark side of porn,
Hangs over me each day,
I’m caught inside a storm,
And it looks like I will stay.

So I lay awake at night again,
The hurt sears down so deep,
I am in a lot of pain,
If only I could sleep.