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11-14-2007, 12:24 AM
CV,
As I have said to others, so then I say to you.
I believe very strongly that it takes courage to admit a slip or a relapse or whatever you are calling it. It takes even more courage to climb back on the wagon. I think that it is especially hard for people with long periods of abstinence and/or who have prominent roles in recovery programs. This courage is a valuable trait and you should be commended for exercising it.
Focusing on the shame and humiliation is self-destructive and counter productive to your recovery because it fuels the addictive cycle. I know that you already know this but I think it is important to remind you (and others reading) about this crucial information. Don't give in to this. Instead, it is far better to learn to love yourself in a healthy way.
Really learning to love myself is extremely difficult and I believe that it is my addictive nature and upbringing that makes it so. It is far too easy to set myself up for failure by being overly draconian in the consequences for my misbehavior. But I realize that if I give into this, shame and humiliation are not far behind and my addict will eat this up. So, if I want to defeat the addict, I have to learn to parent myself in a patient, kind and firm way - a way free from anger. I have to direct my toddler with loving hands - not cruel ones.
No matter how patient and kindly the toddler is directed, he still needs discipline. He will still rebel. What then? Then the parent needs to not let the toddler have what is bad for it. It isn't a matter of a mindset where the parent is hurting them by witholding something good but it is very much the opposite. The parent is nurturing the toddler by withholding what is harmful.
So, CV... try to be a better parent to yourself. You are lovable and worthy of love. Your life is so valuable. Nurture it and allow it to bloom.
Peace,
aud_rus |