[dave42]

Hi Freedomahoy: When you wrote: "All in all the celebratory feelings of relief at being honest and the move toward being a bit more integrated are real enough, if mixed with some guilt and incredulity around the hours/days/months I've wasted looking at P" I had a couple of thoughts.

The first was this: you are brave and wise, it seems to me, to 'fess up to your gf and your trusted female friend. That must have been really, really tough. Wow, just the thought of how you had to bring up such an awkward topic: it's great. Also, I think having your gf and your other friend's support will make your work on this addiction easier.

Second, 5 days is great! I don't think I truly believed folks here when they said that it gets easier after a while, but in the last couple of weeks it does feel easier for me, so I'm glad I was wrong to question the guys saying it was easier.

Also, I don't know if I can express this last thought well, but I'll try.

A while back I was feeling a bit depressed at what you mention: "the hours/days/months I've wasted." And I was also feeling, "Big deal, Dave; you have been free from p for a few weeks. What about the 25-30 years of life you spent looking at the stuff (I'm 42)?! You've wasted so much time." But then I thought this (and I hope it helps you; it helped me a little bit):

Let's say I was 85 years old, and I had spent my whole life looking at p and then I finally decided to quit. Let's say I only lived a week after quitting and then I died. Even THAT would be better than not quitting. That one week would be better not looking at it than looking at it.

Hope that's somewhat clear and that it helps. Good luck!

All the best,

Dave42