I am sorry about the situation you are in. A healthy relationship is extremely important, but what is vital is your personal happiness. It is extremely unfair how he treats the situation; almost as if it is bad for you to question it. He needs to seek help - but the first step to getting help is for him to admit having a problem. Some people think viewing porn is a natural and innate ability in all men - as if it is our god given right. I cannot denounce such a statement more. While some people who view it may not be affected, your husband definitely shows the signs of an addiction; especially when it is interfering with his time, social life, AND marriage. Your happiness should be his number one priority and if he cannot get help with such a selfish, and self-graitfying habit - you may have to think of other solutions to the problem. I had a past relationship where my pornographic habits deeply affected my now ex-girlfriend. I became the "lazy boyfriend" who didn't have time - was too stressed, and too tired to give her the attention and love she needed. It wasn't as if she wasn't attractive, didn't have the right body, didn't do unnameable things for the sake of my gratification, etc. - it was the escape; the procrastination it provided me. It gave me this high for a moment that an intimate relationship couldn't - making me forget all of my worries, and problems. I truly believe that pornographic addictions mostly are caused from such scenarios just as the same as drug use, or alcohol use. He may need to get help for anxiety, depression, or other things that may trigger or fuel his addiction. A possible solution may be to start doing activities together namely exercising as that not only boosts self esteem but releases endorphines in the body which overall make people happier. Either way, he needs to find other hobbies to help take the time away he uses to look at such material online.
You must remember, however, that you need to truly focus on your personal happiness; it is not selfish! If you feel as if you have exhausted all solutions - you may have to be true to yourself and back out. If he is unwilling to help himself and continue to be selfish, you must help and not lose yourself. You are obviously concerned, and trying to seek out solutions but to no avail - we know you are trying and it is NOT negative for you to think of your own happiness if he is unwilling to change himself. I truly hope everything works out for you. It is difficult, but no matter what you must stay strong and not lose yourself.
