Thanks for helping me, friends.
Valjean, I think you are right in what you say about mindfulness. I know I have a weakness in being "hysterical", not in a screechy or even very noticeable way, but I can lose my sense if direction in a sense when if difficult situations. I have many times thought about learning ways to become more like my non-religious buddhist friend.
(I will check out the book you recommend some time this summer)
And as to whther or not my poor perfomance was due to my porn abstinence or not, it really doesn't matter that much. I am convinced that it is temporary in any event, or in deed occasional, as you suggest. I totally agree with you. On hindsight that is the only viable conclusion, however at the time it breached my defenses, and I can only prepare myself for the next time I try to fool myself!
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It's seeing things I've seen already, betraying my wife, depleting my brain's supply of dopamine, giving myself depression, promoting the abuse of damaged women, etc etc etc ad nauseum.
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Case in point!
As a matter of fact I have already decided to leave my office in the afternoon, when the others leave, and continue at the university where people are.
Again, thanks for your support, I feel better now that I've been clean a few days. My mind is sobering up.