[cruisebruise]

Thanks illumination. I'm a new member, and I too stopped P 10 years ago, but M ever since through imagry. A few months ago, I got the urge again and broke down - I am so disgusted with myself. The imagry is so ingrained in my being, for over 30 years - such a big part of who I am that I guess it's frightening to let go and be someone I've never been before. But the thoughts and images have to be replaced with healthier ones on a consistent basis, a muscle I've never exercised before - P took over my life at an early teen age, and here I am at 48 quite disgusted and frightened. Can't continue with P and yet don't know what's on the other side - it was always my relief from what has been a life of significant loss and disappointment (and of course P contributed to that...)