[dave42]

Hey, Nordman! I'm so sorry about all of this. Sigh... What to say -- you are human. You messed up. Every person here has messed up. Again and again and again. I hope that helps. Look, give yourself some credit. You wrote this; "a little later i couldn't find the decency to post here.( I''ve been nervous to tell you.)" And yet you DID tell us. That's progress. The fact that you are being honest -- that's progress. I know that that probably doesn't help a lot, but really, it seems to me that you are asking for help -- that is the wisest thing I've heard on this website. "Please help me, somebody." That is wisdom. You are asking for help. So hang in there. One of the senior members here (I think it was Dominus) recently had a relapse. He is a great model for us: he is moving on. I know you can move on, too.

You fell off the horse. You are ashamed and, to quote your words: "you feel like s***." Every guy here knows that feeling. Now, get back on the horse. Just get back on. What other option do you have? I know you want to see more p. So do I! So does everyone here. The great thing is: you are being honest. You are admitting it. That is a gift to us. Thank you for your wisdom in telling us about the relapse and your wisdom to ask for help and your gift of honesty. Your statement, "And all the time I want to see more p" -- this could be said by every man on this site. But YOU said it! I hope this helps. Forgive yourself, go for a walk, anything healing. Get away from the computer! Good luck, Dave