[illumination]

Something that perplexed me was how my addiction continued through months or even years without using porn. I worked out that I had effectively been using it by playing back pornographic images in my mind while stimulating myself.

Since I joined the site I have not allowed myself to indulge in these images. All sorts of things can lead my mind towards them, not just sexual images or thoughts but all kinds of inadvertent things that lead to a chain of words or images. The addiction was maintained because when a pornographic type image came into my mind, I would lapse into a state of daydreaming where I would imagine that I was able to act out the image or think about looking at porn.

I no longer indulge myself in this way. I suspect that it is not the appearance of the images in the mind that maintains the addiction, but the mental act of giving in to the urge to indulge in them. This is dreadfully weakening to the spirit. So whenever I catch myself sinking into this kind of daydream I simply bring my awareness back into the real, immediate situation, in my body in the place I am in. This is a simple Buddhist technique for awareness in daily life.

The advantage of this technique is that it does not mean judging or repressing thoughts, just bringing the attention back to the immediate present. It has worked for me so far in avoiding mental indulgence, but this weekend I will see whether it can stop me actually using porn when the opportunity is there.

I believe with the help of this site and my mental discipline, I will get through this challence.